Forgivable or not?

[susie34567]

i took some money from the family's saving pot to return to my mum without discussing with my partner.

my mum gave us some money a few years ago when we were in need. due to a misunderstanding, my mum thought i was tricking her money. many months i felt upset and guilty that my own mother thought her own daughter was tricking her.

so i returned some money (not all!) to my mum from our family's saving pot. - but i didnt tell my husband about this. later, i had also returned the money i took out from the family pot with my own earnings. recently, my husband found out about this. he was very disappointed and upset for my actions and that he could never trust me again. he said i betrayed the family.

i know i was very wrong to not to discuss with my husband and to do it behind his back. i really wanted to tell him, but i didnt have the courage. as he always hated my mother and they do not get along.

do you think he will ever forgive me? is it a deal breaker for our marriage?

please help.

I personally don't think it's a deal breaker, based on what you've written.

Your husband sounds very unreasonable in that he couldn't see that you were in a difficult position with your mum and you both needed to pay her back the money you owed her.

Is he always this controlling? Are you tightened of him?

You should have spoken to him about it, but I wouldn't class it as relationship ending. If you did it again it would be

So you took the money to pay a debt that you both owed, then paid it back yourself ? You shouldn’t need forgiving.

You returned the money, apparently before it was otherwise needed. Your reasons sound - reasonable! I think you did nothing seriously wrong.

You did not betray your family. If your husband does not forgive you he is not a kind, loving, understanding man.

Sorry. How come you have to apologise for repaying a debt?

Did he know you’d borrowed from her originally? Why did he agree to that if he hates her?

You sound scared of your husband and your mum, are you?

I wouldn’t have done what you did, we discuss anything and everything to do with money, and everything else tbh, but you had your reasons and those are worth unpicking.

Quite! He should have been trying to repay your mother too.