Am I being too picky?

[Angustiada]

Being with my BF for 2 years now, we're in our late 30s/early 40s. I have 2 kids (11 and 7) and nearly divorced (that's a whole other issue!), He has none. We don't live together and I don't plan to for a very very long time, if ever. I was not treated well by my ex (repeated cheating, followed by emotional and financial abuse) and still have regular therapy to help me so I am very very cautious.
Now, I love this guy. He is truly a very genuinely good man. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, supportive and is brilliant with my kids. He owns his own house, is financially responsible, is great at talking issues through, he listens well. He is very handy and practical (!) and perhaps most importantly given my experience, I can trust him and I know he loves me.
We have plenty of hobbies in common - both active and love the outdoors, like healthy food etc.
But I just can't help focusing on the things that aren't right. I like current affairs and heated debates about topics - he will engage for a bit with me (as he knows I like it) but he won't debate with me really. I like politics and we agree on most things political but again, he's not got any strong opinions on these things. I find myself preferring to talk to friends/work colleagues about this stuff as it's more enjoyable. I guess I miss the chats I used to have with my ex, and I know that's awful to say as my ex was not a good person and said some absolutely terrible things / held some awful opinions but at least it got me fired me! Does that make sense?!
So my question is, am I being too picky? Should I ignore this one issue??

Are you asking if you should dump your bf because he doesn't debate politics like your ex did?

No you should be dumping him because you're still not over your ex - after 2 years why are you still comparing your bf to your ex?

Yes definitely ignore this issue. He sounds ace. Enjoy being able to chat about things without it turning into a huge challenge/ debate? Maybe ask yourself why you need to be challenged by him in particular? It might be better to get what you're missing from friends etc ?

It depends how important it is to you! My DH has hobbies rarely join in with but his positives out way his negatives 😀

Is there something you can chat about with him? Like others have said, this one thing in itself wouldn’t bother me too much, but then I make a point of not entering relationships with people that don’t understand my area of work well, for example. It’s a very niche industry that takes over your life and personality in a way, and for me it’s important that the other person can converse with me on certain topics because otherwise it’s going to get a bit dull. I have friends that I usually go to for certain things, but I won’t entertain a lifetime of being with someone who doesn’t ‘get’ some of the most important things I need to talk about.

You love him, it works, you're generally happy - but you miss arguing politics?

Join a debating society? 😀

Relationships don't have to fulfil every single aspect of your life, that's a huge ask that's often presented as the goal, but it's pretty unrealistic.

I'd be a little concerned that you miss the drama a bit, and are reading secure & loving as lacking.

But relationships don't have to be forever. Personally I'd see how you go on, rather than breaking it off over this.

I would appreciate all the good things about him and enjoy the debating need with your friends.

But are you able to enjoy general chatting with him?

For needing political debates in a great relationship you still need therapy imo.

Are you deliberately looking to sabatage the relationship?
Can't you find a competitive sport /hobby to challenge each other instead?

Some good points made, thank you. I do recognise that I miss the drama maybe but that's from issues with my last relationship and my childhood tbh and I'm working on it in therapy.
We do enjoy general chatting but I definitely do more of the talking. We both work for small businesses and work from home a lot which doesn't help. We've never run out of conversation but I feel like I take the lead a bit much with it maybe

I think it depends on how important political discussion is to you. If it's something that you feel you must talk about for a big chunk of every day, then yes, you should end it. But honestly, from what you've said here, you do have plenty of stuff to talk about and enjoy together so I'm not sure what the problem is.

Someone once told me that expecting your partner to fulfil all your needs is unrealistic. And I agree with that 100%. I love eating out in nice restaurants. DH doesn't. I could have dumped him for that when we were dating. Instead, I just do the nice restaurant thing with my girlfriends and he stays home with the DC. It's all good.

Yes, you're being too picky. BF sounds lovely, he's just not interested in debating politics -can't say I blame him!

My husband sounds like you. Banging on and on and on. Thank God Boris has gone and Brexit is done. It’s really tiresome- find on online outlet and debate to your hearts content. Leave this poor bloke alone.

I guess I miss the chats I used to have with my ex

maybe your current partner should be the one doing the rethinking if you still miss 2 year old chats.?

Yes that's a ridiculous thing to be picky about if everything else is good.

Can't you have heated debates with other people?

@vaingina OMG I so relate to this. I love mine, but I do have to suggest at times that he goes out with a particular mate down the pub and gets it all off his chest. I read a lot about politics, I understand a lot of it, but I don't want a full on rant about it all the time.

You are being too picky. Join a debating society or go back to your ex, who you liked debating with.