Depression and husband

[immie675]

Name changed as outing
We have been together for 8 years- married for 5 years. Two young children 4 and 1. I work part time over 4 days. We are in £6000 worth of debt but compared to the start of the year this has come down a lot, (thanks to me, not him)

He has gradually got more and more depressed and angry with the world. He started a new job for the police this year and has gone worse. He has stopped helping me tidy or sort out when he used to help. He has got snappy at the kids constantly and our relationship is well non existent.

He hasn't showered in weeks ( no he hasn't showered at work, as he will admit he hasn't showered)

I keep trying to talk to him, but he won't open up, also says he won't do anything about his mental health because of the job.

I am at the end of my tether. I have just asked his dad to have a word with him, as I am fed up.

Any help?

If he's refusing to seek medical help, then I think you have to protect yourself and your children by ending the marriage. I know that might sound extreme right now, but living with a moody man who snaps at them constantly will severely impact their self esteem.

I have known a few people start working in the police (whether officers or support) and some found it really affected their mental health. They spend all day hearing about and dealing with the worst in human behaviour. It can be very mentally and emotionally difficult.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation yep I have thought I may have to end the marriage, I don't get any joy of him being at home, I prefer it when he is out at work, don't have to walk on eggshells!

I just want him to actually enjoy home life and for us to have a relationship, which we currently don't in reality

Any one else?

I've name changed for this post for personal reasons.

I'm in a similar kind of situation to you. Small DC, depressed partner. My DP has only just decided to accept help in the form of medication. Which took way to long to do. He's started to open up to me but is very masculine and thinks it's weak to be to open or accept to much help.

We were close to breaking point before he accepted he needed to get help and even thoigh he's still in a bad place he is trying so I have much more patience then before

I feel for you though OP it's so hard trying to manage everything by yourself and it's hard not to feel resentful for going it all when you have another adult there when your ment to be a 'team' it's draining. Sometimes I feel so angry that I'm running round trying to balance everything but he can sit on his phone but can't/won't help because he's having a bad day. I think the only reason I haven't lost my shit is because I do see how bad he has been feeling but then on a good day I'm to worried to say you need to be doing more to help because then it makes him feel shit and then a good day is a bad day again.

He knows he should be doing more but just never does.

Sorry I can't give any advice

Getting mental health support won’t affect his job. Well-being is a big thing in the police and most forces have their own internal counsellors and welfare departments.

ZOMBIE thread.

Have you tried well not ranting exactly but stood up to his moody shit.

As in, life especially with two small kids, new job possibly not quite earning maga bucks yet, but life is a struggle when you are younger with kids for most people.

That whatever the fuck is going on it most certainly is not the children's fault so he can just slap on a happy face around them and be a fucking decent dad.

That being angry with the world but making no attempt to address the root causes or at least talk to you and apologize for any anger around you is not acceptable.

And if this anger and moodiness is going to improve anytime soon because you need to know as it's fine if he wants to circle the drain of life isn't fair that's up to him but you will be buggered if he thinks he is dragging you and the kids with him through that plug hole.

So what's it going to be.

Something like that.

See what he says.