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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Blocked everywhere by my ex and package arriving today

23 replies

Lucelove · 18/08/2022 07:10

Hi everyone,
I said I’d stop posting here but I need a little bit more advice.
I’m 27 and my boyfriend left me a week ago today, which has been hell. I’ve had to move out back in to my mums where I’m staying on the couch or in bed with her until I get back on my feet. I’ve called in to work today as last night I had a huge breakdown over it and just don’t feel I can go in.
Anyway, I reached out to him as one last ditch attempt to sort things out. He told me to leave him alone and stop trying to fix things, and has ended up blocking my number, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook… everywhere. Because of this my mum contacted him on Facebook the other day to sort out a final thing which I was unable to do due to being blocked, and he’s also blocked her now. I do feel like I’ve been hounding him when he just wanted me to leave him alone, I don’t think I’ve been over the top. But I have contacted him a few times over the week, just in the headspace I was in, I’m embarrassed by it now and feel pathetic and feel like he thinks I’m crazy (maybe I am).

anyway, I have a package which is out for delivery today to his house. It’s something I ordered before the split and didn’t think about seeing if I could cancel or change the address, and it’s too late now. I feel like this is going to make me look even more insane and I don’t think I will even be able to get the package, he would need to contact me to arrange getting it back to me and there is zero chance of him doing that. This is the biggest mess I’ve ever been in :(

OP posts:

Summerof22 · 18/08/2022 07:14

I Usually receive a message the day before with the delivery slot and they offer the option of delivering to a different address or change to pick up from a retailer.

WooNoodle · 18/08/2022 07:17

Is it royal mail? If so ask them to save it at the collection point. DO NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE

ChickPeaChic · 18/08/2022 07:17

I’m sorry you’re going through this, breakups are really, really shit. I do think you need to back off and leave him alone now and unfortunately this may include not getting your package (I think you said previously it was a beauty box) and chalking it up to one of those things.

It’s great you’ve been able to stay with your mum for support. My advice would be keep busy whilst you get through this, are there any friends you can meet up with? Books you’ve wanted to read? Shows you could see? I know it feels impossible when you’re so upset but as cliche as it is, the only thing that heals is time, I’ve found previously that the best method was to distract myself while I waited for the time to pass.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 18/08/2022 07:22

Did you order it directly from the website or through Amazon? If it's Amazon then you can change it easily.

If it's through the website get in touch with them and ask to change the delivery address.

I would keep a long distance between me and my ex. I wouldn't want to be accused of harassment. He does sound like an utter prick though.

Inklingpot · 18/08/2022 07:24

Honestly, I would write off the package otherwise you’re in danger of making the package a reason to get in touch with him. It’s annoying, but at least you won’t look any more like you’re harassing him.

WooNoodle · 18/08/2022 07:28

Yes I think if you can't easily redirect it to somewhere you can pick it up away from his house you just have to accept it as one of these things. He'll understand if it's only been a week that you haven't been able to change the address but you need to stay well away from him now.

crimsonlake · 18/08/2022 07:30

Sorry you are going through this, but do not make the package another reason to get in touch with him.

Dirtylittleroses · 18/08/2022 07:34

Contact the courier and arrange a different drop off.

lickenchugget · 18/08/2022 07:34

Op, go back to work tomorrow. The distraction will help.

Contact the package company and see if you can change it, do not contact him, get anyone else to contact him, or go to his house.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but he will have grounds for harassment if you continue. Try and get on with your life and it WILL get better in time.

needingaholiday3 · 18/08/2022 07:38

its not too late

you can still get the delivery cancelled or redirected. You need to call the retailer asap. You also need to check the tracking link and see if there’s anything you can do to stop the delivery

really do not think you should contact him. I know you obviously ordered the stuff before the break up, but he may think you ordered it afterwards as an excuse to speak to him

Original poster

Lucelove · 18/08/2022 07:42

I will go in tomorrow, my manager was so lovely about it on the phone which has made me feel better. I know I shouldn’t have been trying to contact him, when I did it was for a reason, he blocked me before I even got all of my things back and told me not to contact him when it wasn’t even possible not to. I shouldn’t have messaged him again trying to sort things out though, my head was just a mess

OP posts:

TooHotToTangoToo · 18/08/2022 07:57

Don't message him or go to the house.

Sometimes delivery the day before give you the option of cancelling or delivering to a safe place, if this isn't an option, how much is the package worth, if it's a few quid and you can afford to lose it, just chalk it up to experience and order again to your mums address.

Stripedbag101 · 18/08/2022 08:14

What is the package - is it something valuable that you can’t afford to lose?

if it is something small then just write it off. Who cares what he thinks. Do you get normal post to that address? If so you should organise a post redirect.

if it something expensive ( like say a new mobile) and you can’t stop it. Drop a short factual note through his letter box (or better still post it so you don’t have to go there) say you could arrange a redirect in town and ask him to drop to a trust mutual friend so you are clear you aren’t asking to see him.

it will all get better - this is still fresh.

Stripedbag101 · 18/08/2022 08:16

I had a mobile phone delivered to my old address by accident. Tried everything to stop it. In the end the new owner refused delivery so it went back to the company.

Hiddenvoice · 18/08/2022 08:33

I hope it’s getting a little easier for you @Lucelove
Did you manage to keep yourself busy and focussed on your day off?
How is your package being delivered? Can you contact the courier to get it delivered to their warehouse or anything? Usually you get an email on the dah and you can select not going to be in.
Sorry he’s not blocked your mum, this seems bigger to him than just an argument. I wouldn’t try contacting him again, I know you were hoping the package would help start a conversation but I’d leave him to it. If he is in and the package arrives, he might just say wrong address and not accept it.

LittleGreenBeetle · 18/08/2022 08:34

This is the biggest mess I’ve ever been in :(

Really? it's not that much of a mess, unless it's something worth hundreds / thousands of pounds which you think he'll steal rather than refuse at the point of delivery.
Try and change the delivery address but if that's not possible, just write off the package and it's contents. It doesn't matter. You've not no way of contacting him to arrange collection anyway. Plus, YOUR DIGNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT HERE!

Original poster

Lucelove · 18/08/2022 08:36

I don’t mean the package is the biggest mess I’ve ever been in, just the whole situation in general. Maybe worded it poorly!

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 08:41

Cancel the delivery and leave the guy alone.

Cookiedough123 · 18/08/2022 08:43

Is it also your house or is it just his house? I would send your mum round tonight for it and just stay out of his way.

Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 08:51

Is your stuff still there? How does he expect you not to contact him if he is still holding your stuff hostage

gamerchick · 18/08/2022 08:52

You usually get a notification when something is being delivered, you can change where you want it dropped off then.

You really need to leave this guy alone. He's done with you, allow yourself another day to wallow in it but tomorrow you pull yourself together.

There is nothing worse than an ex hassling you, nothing. Asking other people to message him? Leave.him.alone

Inklingpot · 18/08/2022 08:58

Cookiedough123 · 18/08/2022 08:43

Is it also your house or is it just his house? I would send your mum round tonight for it and just stay out of his way.

For god’s sake, don’t send your mother round. That’s just as bad.

SunnyD44 · 18/08/2022 08:58

What company is it with? Royal Mail, Hermes etc?

You should be able to redirect it or say you won’t be in.

Why did your mum message him?
If he’s got stuff at yours then you have every right to get it back and if this is what she was messaging him about then it’s unfair he blocked her.

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