Meeting up with ex

[nc091273]

Meeting up with an ex of mine soon. We both know what the situation is. I’m only going for some fun and then I’m leaving.

This man broke my heart ultimately so I don’t feel compelled to sleep over. I want to leave after we’ve done the deed.

Does that sound really cold-hearted? My friends are saying that I have to leave, for my own sense of self-respect and dignity.

What do you think? Should I sleep over or should I leave after we’re done?

It's not clear to me then, why you're even considering it.

Even if the sex is guaranteed to be good, why go backwards and need to put in measures to protect your "dignity"?

No, trust me. There are no feelings for this man on a romantic level on my part. He’s said a few things that perhaps suggest that if anything he may think it’s more or is going to develop into more than just casual sex. Which I suppose now that I think about it is also an issue.

@category12 to be honest, I actually don’t see it that way, the leaving after the deed, as being connected to my dignity. I see it more that staying would be me sending mixed messages wouldn’t it? The only reason I mentioned dignity is because a pp said that I would be essentially degrading myself by going through with this.

But how exactly? If I want nothing else from this man?

I sort of understand where pp is coming from but at the same time, feel I would be judged differently if I were a man. I feel that the word dignity for example wouldn’t even have been mentioned

Please find someone else to get your kicks with 🙏

Yes, it's the everyday sexual double standard tbh 🙂

But yeah, if he's thinking this might lead somewhere and you're definite on shag-and-go, then it's probably not fair on him. Unless it IS a getting him back for breaking your heart thing.

Is it perhaps the fact that there is history, no matter how I look at it or feel about it? Whether I’m past it or not. There is still history.

I suppose. Just didn’t think it was a big deal as long as we’re both on the same page.

Thanks for all advice :)

I think it's dangerous to do this when either of you think it could be more than casual - and it sounds as though he thinks it might be.

I'm not sure this is about double standards. I think the advice would be the same either way. There is no need to go backwards when I'm sure there are plenty of takers for a no-strings shag in the world.

Why risk anyone getting hurt or confused?

Sorry I'm gonna be that person...he broke your heart. Have some self respect. Do not meet this guy at all..your body is yours..don't just put it out for a man who tore you down...you do not need sex learn to respect yourself and love yourself!

I’m wondering how he broke your heart. Are you sure he won’t lure you back in again. If it’s a one off maybe your ok with that. But deep down do you think it’s more. Does he think he has a hold over you? Is this pay back.

Buy a couple of decent vibrators and maintain your self respect!

My ex broje my heart. Would I sleep with him again, hell no. If it's just no strings sex with somebody random fair enough, but do not do this please.

I really hope you don’t do this. Why have sex with someone who broke your heart? It makes you seem desperate not empowered. Have a hook up with someone else. It’s not proving any point to your ex other than he can have you any time he wants.

There's this thing called Tinder...

I suspect he'd be utterly delighted that he gets to do the deed and then you pack up and leave.

I wouldn't do this OP, and I say this as someone who has had more than my fair share of ex sex. If I ever feel like I want to go back to someone I used to be with, I liken it to a dog going back to eat its own sick. 😅 Works to put me off!

Another here who just doesn’t see how it can be a good idea to let him treat you as a disposable shag even if you are clear in yourself that you’re not looking for anything more.

As PPs has said - it’s very easy for women to find no strings sex if they want it. No shortage of men willing to supply that.

Kidding yourself.

Yes, it's fine to leave after sex, obviously. If you both know the score, it's fine.

Thats not the issue here. Why oh why would you have sex with someone who I assume hurt you.

Literally so many other men to pick from.

I'd analyse your real motive here, you're not fooling me and you won't fool him either.

This is a terrible idea. Breaking your heart doesn't make him a bad person. Hearts get broken even when the person ending the relationship is an amazing person. Relationships end for a wide variety of reasons and staying in a relationship that isn't right and you don't want to be in to avoid hurting the other person isn't healthy for anyone.

Both of you are making a terrible decision to sleep together. If you just want sex, go on an app and get it. There is zero gain and lots of hurt to come from this.

Yes. Please don’t do this, OP. It’s self-harm.

I’m just back with an update. I cancelled in the end. We all have an inner voice, it’s not a load of old fodder. We just tend to ignore it because it doesn’t suit what we’re feeling in that moment.

That’s why I came on here because without realising I think I was seeking validation for my inner voice. Is she right or is she just trying to ruin my fun? 😄

No. The complete opposite. She was trying to save me and my dignity ffs.

So that’s it, I didn’t even say goodbye, just blocked him on everything.

As a pp said, plenty of other options without the history and baggage.

Thanks for the knock to the head everyone! :)

Well done, OP. Keep looking forward, not back 🎉