Jealous and sad of never having been loved

[trqs]

I’ve had so much interest in men, being blunt. Gone from relationship to relationship and they always ended as basically nobody I felt for felt the same for me. Always someone else to meet or flirt with and I found it easy to make connections with people but nothing ever came of it properly. Never felt that true love.

By 35 I had a one year old and no longer in the relationship. I did actually love him but he was very emotionally unavailable andI’m didn’t work out. Now im 37 with a two year old and I get a bit of interest from men but basically im much older now, I clearly could never have the life I envisaged.

Im just struggling to get over it all. I don’t live in a busy place and can’t really move as I need family support. But this is my life now. The engagement, marriage, home and kids with someone is shattered. I’m finding it so hard. I feel broken hearted.

I couldn't read and run. I'm sure others will be along with sound advice. Please don't give up hope. If it's any consolation at all I felt the same up until I met my DP at 42. I just thought that it wasn't meant for me. Interestingly though when I stopped thinking about it and focused on enjoying my kids, my friendships and work stuff started to
fall into place. Do you get much support and time for yourself l?x

Oh. And I married Mr Emotionally Unavailable. I was so lonely with him and realised being alone was much better for my mental health

Hey @totallyoutnumbered thanks for replying. I’ve been using maintenance from ex to basically pay to have two afternoons a week free. My mum would do an evening if I wanted.

I just feel like the one thing I wanted so much in life, someone to build a life with, has passed me by. I try and be grateful for what I have but the feeling of loss and loneliness and emptiness doesn’t leave. I long to be loved and build a future. I’ve always essentially been very alone.

i get why you feel sad but don’t write yourself off at 37!!

The whole point of engagement, marriage , home and kids is spending your life with someone you love not just having a particular lifestyle….it is miserable for many people who aren’t with the right partner and none of your previous partners could have been the one.

Is there something they all have in common? Is there a reason you might keep picking emotionally unavailable men? Maybe get some therapy to get to the bottom of it….

@Swimmer29 i think I know broadly why I chose the wrong men. And I definitely can tell when I’m doing it now, I get a sense and try to stay away. I’m just so sad.

But you’ve been in relationships, multiple!

Are you sure none of them loved you?
One of them even wanted a baby with you.

Honestly, and I know it’s not race to the bottom, but I’m same age as you and I’ve never even once been asked on / been on a date (my username gives you a hint why not).

If you’d had intrest before, you’ll have it again.

You don't have to be grateful. I'm sure you are. But it is ok to feel shit too. I know the feeling well. Allow yourself to have those feelings for starters. If your Mum will have your little one, could you arrange to go out with friends some evenings?. I dipped my toe into the world of online dating for all of 24 hrs so I'm definitely not the best person to advise on that I'm afraid. I realised that I actually wasn't ready when it came down to it and I needed to be single until I'd built up my self esteem and work out why I was drawn to emotionally unavailable men. I'm always mindful of talking too much about myself on threads. I just wanted to know that I've been where you are x

You mentioned that you don't lack attention from men and easily go from one relationship to the next. Have you taken the time to think about what qualities you want in a partner and what are your red flags/non-negotiables?

I ask this because I'm quite picky with who I get into a relationship with so even though I've had long stretches of being single (years!) when I do get into a relationship it tends to be quite serious and long lasting. I even went through a phase where I did a lot of OLD and despite going on a lot of dates, never met anyone I wanted to pursue anything with.

I have a friend on the other hand who is constantly going from one guy to the next. She doesn't seem to have any criteria beyond the basics (good looking, has a job) and changes her personality/interests to get the guy. She is also not very emotionally available herself and the relationships are very surface level. As a result the decent guys leave after a few months and the ones that stick around are not really looking for anything serious or meaningful. I have no idea if you relate to any of this OP, but thought I would mention it in case there's anything in this that sounds familiar.

Also, most people who are serious about finding a long term relationship will be wary of someone who's always just coming out of another relationship. Being recently single is a red flag that you might not be emotionally available to commit to someone new. If you stay single for awhile you might find you attract more men who are ready for something serious.