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Original poster

OD and curious re. red flags on a FWB

23 replies

Kione · 17/08/2022 21:11

So met this guy through OD. Super hot! Funny and interesting. Bohemian and confident.

Just came out of a whirlwind love story with many ted flags, learnt a lot, and happy to be by myself.

This guy is very sexual but we also spend hours talking, listening to music, drinking...

Now. I am not particularly interested in a relationship again, but we see each other often and I do wonder what is the point if it will go nowhere. He says he is a "free spirit" and a "6 year old inside" this is kind of die to his job performing for kids, but still. He talks about himself a lot. We have talked about me, but it doesn't seem to come naturally from him to ask things about me... not sure how yo explain maybe I will do better through more posts.

So I am fully aware of what this is. I enjoy the sex and company but sometimes I think it's a waste of time? Apart from the sex, am not getting much more from it. What if we get clise but not a couple and I meet someone else? Does it then stop abruptly?

I am new to OD and to being single!

I keep looking at his pics, research about him, but he seems yo love himself so much that it puts me off from falling for him - which at this point is s very good thing!

OP posts:
heatissweet · 17/08/2022 21:25

Your OP is sending out mixed messages to me - what is it exactly you want? If it's just FWB/ NSA then spending too long thinking about the guy/looking him up online/questioning what your future is doesn't really fit with that?

MadonnasKebab · 17/08/2022 21:26

I’m a “free spirit “ translate as I will see you for as long as I want and have sex with you until someone else comes along then I will leave you.

BlessedKali · 17/08/2022 21:27

Dont waste your time and your energy. When you meet the right guy everything will just fall into place, will be so easy and you will totally love and respect him, as he will you. Don't settle for less.... Until then spend your energy on your self growth, self love and gaining wisdom

ElizaJones · 17/08/2022 21:27

He’s a man child who won’t commit.

WatermelonSugar95 · 17/08/2022 21:29

Depends what you're looking for. If it's just no strings fun then fill your boots, if you want a relationship and a future then he has more red flags than the Chinese consulate hun

LooneyToon · 17/08/2022 21:33

I would suggest you are more into him than you would care to admit but it doesnt sound like it is reciprocated. I would get out of this situation before you are in too deep

Isittrueornot · 17/08/2022 21:34

Jump ship now, trust me! You may not have feelings now because his not your type or his attitude is a turn off and you just enjoy the sexual side….but eventually those feelings will creep up on you unknown and catch you out!!! Meanwhile you KNEW what he was like, he made it clear so you should have known not to get attached….but it will creep up slowly on you!! So just stop it now, find someone else.

Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:36

heatissweet · 17/08/2022 21:25

Your OP is sending out mixed messages to me - what is it exactly you want? If it's just FWB/ NSA then spending too long thinking about the guy/looking him up online/questioning what your future is doesn't really fit with that?

That's just me questioning those things too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:37

MadonnasKebab, yeah, that's totally what I thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:41

WatermelonSugar95
That made me laugh! That's the thing. I don't really want anything. I am out of a relationship where I was in love but it went pear shaped very quickly, I suddenly felt amazing enjoying singledom, but of course I feel lonely sometimes.
I am not looking for a relationship, specially with this guy! So it feels a waste of time but in the other hand, he really is hot. I think the hottest guy I've ever shagged Blush
So maybe I need to practice not to get too attached but the sex it's just to good to let go at the moment.

OP posts:
EmergencyHepNeeded · 17/08/2022 21:43

MadonnasKebab · 17/08/2022 21:26

I’m a “free spirit “ translate as I will see you for as long as I want and have sex with you until someone else comes along then I will leave you.

I had my fair share of that sort of twat when I was young! After about 25, it really was wearing a bit thin.

Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:45

BlessedKali
That is true. But I am
Not really looking for a relationship either.
The last guy felt like this at the start, then everything came crashing down...

So I know what you mean about things being easy with the right person. I am pretty sure this guy is not the right person but then again I am happy single!
I guess I just don't want to fall for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:48

ElizaJones · 17/08/2022 21:27

He’s a man child who won’t commit.

I know this. But my question is, since I don't particularly want commitment right now either, do I just enjoy it or as previous poster said, don't waste my energy and concentrate on myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/08/2022 21:54

Isittrueornot · 17/08/2022 21:34

Jump ship now, trust me! You may not have feelings now because his not your type or his attitude is a turn off and you just enjoy the sexual side….but eventually those feelings will creep up on you unknown and catch you out!!! Meanwhile you KNEW what he was like, he made it clear so you should have known not to get attached….but it will creep up slowly on you!! So just stop it now, find someone else.

This is the kind of thing am worried about. To fall for him. But I KNOW it would work etc. etc.
I feel like I am in between this exotic thing right now that I find difficult to let go for the sake of life experience and grounding myself and working on me just in case the most perfect person passes by and I don't notice!

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 18/08/2022 03:19

I think you're developing feelings. It's probably because you know he's a bit out of reach with all of his 6 year old guff and lack of real interest. I'd cool it otherwise you'll be hurt when it fizzles. If you genuinely were satisfied with casual, believe me, you wouldn't be posting about this and you wouldn't be googling.

Also one thing I've resolved for myself is not to waste time on monologuers. What are you going to do with all the information you have about him? Those sorts of unbalanced conversations are not a good use of your time. I don't mean if a friend or boyfriend needs to vent now and again, I mean if someone is genuinely only interested in talking about themselves, what good does this do you?

hugefanofcheese · 18/08/2022 03:21

I mean, if you want more and need to.scratch the itch, ask him if he could envisage your relationship developing. But I get the feeling he has made himself clear with all the 'free spirit' stuff and will.let you down with more of the same.

Original poster
Kione · 18/08/2022 07:36

Thank you. This is the sort of thing I need to focus on. And you are right, I wouldn't be posting here...

I could start by seeing him less often, I know some have advised to cut it off right now, but I can't bring myself to do that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 22/08/2022 15:03

Another one to add! "I am not a good person".
He is trying to stop me falling for him and succeeding. But am afraid sex alone is not attractive enough for me.
Happy to report that right now I have no desire of seeing him again.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 22/08/2022 15:59

I often find that after a heartbreak - some easy and hot FWB type of relationship always great to get back your confidence and relax.

If sex is good and you are having nice time - while not wanting a relationship - why worry too much?
I think women get conditioned to think that they can’t just enjoy sex without it turning into Love/Relationships/Marriage, etc
I think it’s a shame to think this way. Life is too short. Sex can be just sex when time is right for that.
And when you are ready to have a relationship again - you can easily move on.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 22/08/2022 16:23

Go with your gut instinct, as you said you do not want a committed relationship but enjoy his company and the physical side of things. If you want to see him for that then do and if not don't and he has been clear about what he does not want. Always good to take time out and we can often delude ourselves that it is more than it is if the sex is good but you seem self aware about that so that is good. He has admitted he does not want anything more so enjoy it for what it is but it sounds like he is annoying you now except for the sex.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 22/08/2022 16:25

MMmomDD has summed it up nicely and yes women were conditioned to feel guilty for enjoying sex and nothing wrong with that at all and it can do wonders for you.

Watchkeys · 22/08/2022 17:51

But my question is, since I don't particularly want commitment right now either, do I just enjoy it or as previous poster said, don't waste my energy and concentrate on myself

Who do you think is meant to make the rules about what you should do, @Kione ? Why do you think anybody here will no better than you what would suit you best?

Original poster
Kione · 22/08/2022 18:52

Sex alone is fine, and I don't feel guilty, I just feel flat after. And yesterday, sad.

I know no one makes the rules but I wanted to hear opinions and experiences.

OP posts:
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