Taking a risk that didn’t pay off, is this now fair?

[buttell]

DP and I had talked about kids for ages. Planned for next year though he kept saying how great it would be if it ‘just happened’. I came off the pill didn’t say, pregnant, talked about options and he said he didn’t want a termination and he was happy even though it wasn’t planned.

Fast forward to 3 months post birth and I’m single and he’s not interested in me or Dc - yes I know it’s on me. Would you claim maintenance? I feel in two minds as clearly he didn’t want this even though he said he did.

Yes I would. Your actions were not okay, but it’s not your baby’s fault.

(His behaviour was not great either btw - in case I sound like a judgy cow!)

Its a risk (low but never zero) associated with sticking your cock in somebody. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I'd claim maintenance

Of course you should claim maintenance.

And it's not solely on you, he said he wanted to have children with you, said it would be great if it happened and when you got pregnant said he wanted it. You shouldn't have come off the pill without telling him but it wasn't without encouragement.

Anyone who has sex risks a pregnancy and anyone who creates a baby needs to take responsibility

Thanks all.

It was a bit odd how it unfolded as he seemed happy about it at the start. Only as the pregnancy went on did that change

I guess I question claiming because of what I did but you’re right we talked about a termination and he said he didn’t want that

Why did you come off the pill and not tell him?!

It would have been the same outcome if the pill failed and you had been taking it. I would apply for maintenance.
That's the risk you take when you have sex

Even if he had wanted a termination, that doesn’t means he has the choice or right not to pay child maintenance. The child is his he needs to pay, this is for the child and about the child, not about you two. Period.

I would claim maintenance because he is the child's father. The history is irrelevant.

Maintenance has nothing to do with your behaviour. It doesn't depend on your morals. It's financial support to help you bring up his baby.

Absolutely claim maintenance! It is for his child, and the child deserves it. There are good reasons that legally no one cares what kinds of discussions you had or didn’t have before the child was conceived.

Of course your should, but that he hasn't offered despite telling you to keep the baby says everything about the kind of person he is. Don't expect it to be easy.