Cost of living increase and affect on relationships.

[Weathered8788]

I am increasingly concerned about how the cost of living increases will affect my relationship with my husband. We have been through a lot the last decade and I think we are both feeling really drained, to have added pressure of everything going up so much just seems like too much at the minute. We will probably (just) be able to afford bills but at the expense of any extracurricular activities we currently enjoy (which already isn't a huge amount). I have parents who are going to struggle financially and young adult DC living at home who are putting off moving out for longer than expected because of the uncertainty. So added pressure there as well.

I actually have quite a lot of experience of being very poor, so think I can do it okay, (even considering joining the library again) but also I can just see the winter as being long and cold with plenty of arguing about heating, being stuck indoors with nothing to do outside of work and it's going to be a complete pressure cooker (but without the benefit of heat). Does anyone else have any ideas about how to get through it all while preserving my sanity/relationships as much as possible? And also am I catastrophising? is this just another thing we are able to soak in and absorb and get used to? Just looking for anyone who also has concerns or for anyone who doesn't. Thanks

Sorry if this thread annoys anyone, or it's in the wrong place. I will ask for it to get moved/deleted if that's the case.

@Weathered8788 I agree. I think a lot of relationships will struggle to survive the next few years.

Homes are going to be under a lot of financial pressure and with costs in all area rising it will be difficult.

I've purchased walking shoes and a warm coat in the summer sales. I enjoyed walking during the summer lockdown. I am planning to wrap up warm and get out for a walk at the weekends.

Scour charity shops for good books and jigsaws.

Think about batch cooking or at least using your freezer effectively like buying frozen veg and just taking out what you need.

Accept that heating is going to cost more this winter and agree in advance that it needs to be paid and there is little point in arguing about it. If you tend to only use one room in the evening perhaps get a stand alone heater for that room and only gave heating on half hour or so before bed and in the mornings.

Basically work together, have a basic plan and try and not cut out all the things in life you like doing.

@Blueskythinking123

I think walking is a really good shout actually. My mobility is recovering at the minute but it is something that I look to introduce and work up. I tried to find weather forecasts over winter earlier (never done that before in August), I am really hoping it's a mild one. It feels like the pressure is just going to keep building so anything that helps balance in things helps.

I have every sympathy. I think the only way is if you can both get on the same page and get through it together. There really are plenty of free things you can do that can be good fun because they are different to your normal. However if you are the only one who tries to embrace that spirit of adventure, it will be far harder. How receptive will your family be to trying to have a positive attitude to it and all contributing ideas?

The batch cooking is good, I do it at the moment for lunches but not dinners so need to introduce that, I need to get to know a lot more about frozen veg though thanks. The heating is already a problem because its an old house, I need to think about just heating main rooms. I think the charity shops ideas is great, I live in area rich with them so that's got to be something positive, even the wandering around them is an activity I hadn't thought of. I've already thought of layers/thick socks/early nights but it's hard staying upbeat when you're only thinking of what you're losing. I think if I see it as a challenge it might help? I'm just worried it will tire me out more than I already feel , but need to rally a bit.

DH and I don’t mind living off very little as that’s how we started out.

I do remember being in debt many many years ago and being unable to afford to move out of my shitty relationship quickly because of lack of funds. I went and stayed with my sister for a month on her sofa but I found it so undignified and humiliating to not be able to afford to live independently immediately he began his assholery.

Skidding and bouncing along at zero after all your bills are paid with someone who is loving and happy to read a library book on a couch for entertainment with you is very different to watching your joint credit card hit the limit because your partner picked a fight to give him an excuse to go to the pub.

The most important thing is that you’re on the same page. Can you agree in advance things like how cold it needs to be before you’ll have the heating on, what you’d both prefer to cut down on to afford X rather than Y, whether it’s worth putting a set amount aside now and designating it for one “treat” a week and / or one “activity” a month so that you have something to look forward to, so that if doesn’t get to winter and you’re bickering?

You might not want to do it, but are your young adults contributing financially? If not, they probably need to step up a bit.

From your later posts it sounds as though you actually have quite a bit of cloth to cut if you don’t currently economise much on food and have always heated the whole house rather than just rooms in use. That will make things a bit easier.

Thank you, I appreciate you saying that. I think we can both be good at doing stuff that costs little money, but my tolerance is much higher for this than my husbands? He was brought up wealthier than I was, and I can make do easier than he can, he gets frustrated when it's ongoing. I think we will last okay with our new budget for a month and then it will start getting difficult. Complaints for DH about always having to think about money, and moaning about what the point of working is when you have nothing to show for it. It gets me down and it starts arguments. We also can be quite different in our attitudes of where to save money as well.

Getting on the same page is really important I agree. I think the reality of the situation has dawned on me a bit earlier than my husband so I'm going to be the one to start saying "We need to think about money more". He kinds of sticks his head in the sand a bit. On the other hand he is generous, works hard and wants stuff for all of us, not just himself and we like spending time together. It's not a bad marriage, just going through a tough time.

It's not easy and you seem more prepared to face reality than many people.

Suggest warming each other up with lots of sex, go for walks together to escape the grown up DC and then asking him you to give you a massage.
What I’m saying is try and concentrate on what you have together and a bit less on the finances.

Have you ever thought about what single people might be experiencing??

What difference does that make?

Do you go through the budget figures together?

it sounds like either he is not aware of the financial reality or you are worrying too much?

which is it?

Thank you everyone for your replies. I always think how lovely it is when people do that, and take time to even just read, let alone reply so I appreciate it. (I love the sex idea! it's not the first time we have done that!).

Last year I cut my hours at work (A long story but I was struggling in lots of ways, also I am also a carer). At the time it was okay, we had enough disposable income. We have always struggled financially previously so it was nice to have that option.

But ever since I went part time everything has increased. I think we do have some cloth to cut, but it just seems that every month I keep cutting something. The last thing I cancelled was the gym. (My phone and sky are under contract till January (basic tv but high internet costs) but then I will cut them down as much as possible). (I still have netflix though!)

My mental health needs work, but it has to be free stuff. And my husband likes to be doing something so it would be good to work out a plan of things to do. I know it's the same for a lot of people, and I know that it's a lot harder for a lot of people.

I take digs from my eldest who is working (youngest is a student) I know me being part time seems like a luxury I can't afford. Being part-time also means any complaining about money is going to be hard to hear, I need to consider trying to go back full time. (But that is a last resort, it just doesn't seem feasible, I've asked SW for support with DP, but they don't offer anything useful as It's not critical enough. It seems that they are happy with the status quo but I'm not!). My husband is supportive but he is tired and so am I.

I have arthritis so that's why I like to keep the house warm. (But that's not going to be an option this year). I just thought if I can work on a plan of how to get through with as much positivity as possible things would be okay, so thank you for everyone for replying. And I hope you have a good day!

I am decidedly hard up and I have discovered the joys of long walks in the neighbourhood to not only boost physical fitness blood pressure stress management and also losing belly fat (post menopausal). It is quite frankly the highlight of my day. I am a single parent a nd ds is 17 and if I stay at home all day long (work from home) anxiety builds and builds and I feel beyond ds I have absolutely nothing to live for.

it seems to take my mind off it all for an hour. Clears the head. I do a very brisk walk and wear hiking b oots.

it is also free! I have stopped using the car and often combine the walks with food shopping.

OP I also rejoined the library! I cannot concentrate on reading novels right now but at least the library card is ready lol.

I was also going to suggest walking or running and then maybe you could finish it off with a set of squats/pressups/situps/ resistance based exercises that are great for bone density etc. Maybe set yourself a goal over the winter of being able to do a certain amount so you can see the improvement. It's one of the best things you can do for your physical and mental health.
Also how about learning something online for free like a language or computer based skill. Or a bridge/chess club (quite often free). Community choir/Council run walking groups.

If you're worried about heating costs, get yourself some electric underblankets. Watch telly in bed or on the settee with the blankets on and the heating off. Kerching!

I can’t comment on finances but so sorry you are in this position.

Have a rough plan every weekend, which includes something to look forward to for you alone, something for you to look forward to together, and something yummy to eat. A joint library trip with your husband, a two hour walk with a thermos of tea to sit and drink half way, a Netflix movie night with popcorn. This all makes ordinary things more fun, rather than just letting time flow by.

Hello! I'm a journalist writing about how the cost of living crisis is affecting relationships, and I wondered if you might be interested in sharing a few of your thoughts on this with me? I can share my email if so!