If you’re in a shit marriage or divorce with a surgeon please talk to me

[Harrtsi]

I know they’re not their own species but fuck me I feel like I’ve been dragged over the coals with that relationship. He was unbelievably selfish. When we met I was earning more than him and had a decent career. He always gave the impression he liked that… you know someone to present at all his events etc. Yet when it came to it he expected me to literally give it all up so he could take a role paying 10k more. He was moody, miserable, heavy drinker and so so so stubborn. He didn’t see our dc for the first 3 years as we had broken up and he ‘couldn’t juggle everything.’

It was some of the most miserable times of my life. I just wanted some solidarity really as divorce finalised today!

OP, I’ve had the misfortune of interacting with some shocking consultants/surgeons over the years. Each time I’ve wondered how they treat their families behind closed doors if that’s how they deal with patients in public.

In your shoes I’d be buying a celebratory cake for myself for finalising the escape from that marriage.

My ex/children's father is a surgeon, horrific experience, off to work will reply properly later, I'm happy now, left 4 years ago. X

This OP.

My father and brother are neurosurgeons and very self deprecating...
Of course it helps that mum and sister in law are doctors too, so everyone just sees themselves as normal.

Actually it's only on immigrating to the British Isles that I realised in what awe other people see all doctors- I think that can't help their egos.

A bad marriage and a nasty divorce can happen whatever they do for a living. Yes surgeons can have big egos, which is not surprising because it takes an incredible amount of self belief to become one. Doesn’t automatically make them bad partners though.
My ex was a manual worker and our split and the divorce were really nasty.
Current Dh is a hospital Consultant (not surgeon), and a truly lovely respectful man.

Watch Bodies on Netflix! There's a few on there!

I think this is generally true. My friend who is married to a trauma surgeon says wryly, "The God complex is real".

I see so many of these traits in my H. He’s a CEO rather than a surgeon. I think the pressure and pedestal must be similar though.

In private he carries such a heavy cloud over his head. In public he’s charming, funny, thoughtful, kind. Only me and his mum see the real person. That real version is himself is depressed, anxious, sharp, cutting, moody, needy, draining. She mostly stays away. Everyone else including our DC see the nice version.

It won’t surprise you to know CEO is the number one job for psychopaths!

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyclay/2013/01/05/the-top-10-jobs-that-attract-psychopaths/amp/

My ex (surgeon) was the loveliest, most kind, gentle, helpful man you could meet.....behind closed doors a narcissistic, misogynistic, abusive bully, not everything is always as it seems, beware!

The only person I witnessed him treat in a similar manner was his sister, he let his guise slip just once. I think his parents know how he is deep down but would never acknowledge it.