How do you afford to leave?

[Raspberries86]

Wondered if anyone has any suggestions.

I'm desperate to leave DH. I really need my own space with DS where I am not anxious about DH's unpredictable behaviour all the time. I am constantly anxious.

The issue is our finances are very much tied up together. We own a house together and most of our money is invested in that although I do have a few savings. I am the main earner and bring in about three times as much as DH so if we sold the house, eventually I would be able to finance somewhere for me and DS to live. Am I going to have to wait to sell our house? I don't think I can hold on that long when I feel as anxious as I do. Do banks consider mortgage holidays in situations like this as I think that could help me get out initially.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, please do share how tou handled it.

Didn't want to read and run. Hoping someone who's gone through similar will drop some advice 🌺

Are you in the U.K.?
Generally - there are no shortcuts. And a lot depends on how cooperative your H will be.
If he agreed to divorce - you can sell your house tomorrow. But I am guessing he isn’t that sort of a person.

Unfortunately - the only way to proceed is to file for divorce and proceed with the regular path. And prepare for the abuse that will most likely come your way from H.

But you need to fortify and get stronger - have you considered talking to your GP and asking for help? Antidepressants can help with anxiety in the medium term - so can anti-anxiety meds.
In addition - if his behaviour becomes threatening - you can and should involve police. It may help rein his behaviour in while divorce makes it’s slow way through the system. (It worked for a friend whose H got quite unpleasant and borderline violent during divorce)

But you do need to get ready for a long fight - if he doesn’t agree to make things way and fast - it’ll take a year+

I would consider who would get custody if you are the higher earner, I presume he does more at home? So many women have shot themselves in the foot with this.

There is no ‘custody’ per se in the U.K. family law. If he is willing and able - he can demand to have kids 50% of the time. Whether he will get it depends on a lot of factors - kids ages, his current role in their upbringing, etc.

Many fathers start off saying they will want kids 50% but the reality is not as many actually do that as it’s a lot of work.

Main thing, OP - do go and see a solicitor

Horrible situation for you.
I would suggest you go and see a solicitor to get advice on what a split would look like. Get as much information as you can and then take some time to process it and make a plan.