Could you be with your husband knowing he's in love with someone else?

[TaniaShwain]

Exactly that.

Husband has met someone else online and engaged in an emotional affair.

Wife doesn't want to end marriage separate and has told husband she's willing to forgive him as long as he severs contact with other woman.

Husband is willing to make marriage work for sake of children but he's admitted he's in love with other woman and isn't in love with wife but loves her as she's the mother of they're children and have been together many years.

Is it destined for failure or can it work?

Yep, and the husband usually picks up on that and realises he values family unity more than an expensive divorce and stays while keeping the OW on the side. Everyone then stays for the money while playing happy house. It’s pretty common and some families find comfort this way (as long as Hubble is discreet with his affairs/mistress). It’s a very old fashion way to exist amongst the middle and upper classes. It’s been going on for centuries in fact.

Doomed and the husband won’t cut contact with the other woman. They’ll always be an excuse such as I had to say goodbye to her in my own way or in person or such and such. Or I was worried about her so I did a friendly check in.

It sounds like something he would tell the OW he had told the wife.

'I want to be with you. I love you. I've told my wife that. She wants to stay together for the children and I'm such a decent bloke that I've agreed. You know I'd be with you if I could'.

When the truth might actually be
'I had an affair and now regret it. I can't bear to lose my wife. So you won't see me again, but I'm going to make it seem all romantic so you think I'm a good guy and there is some romantic hope, and you won't therefore stir up problems for me'.

Your description sound biased like you are the OW.

In any case, love doesn't mean much if there is no commitment and shared vision and goals are more sustainable than 'love' of someone who hasn't even had sex with or lived with, it's all a fantasy. I'm not sure why there wasn't an opportunity for sex, if they could meet for coffee they could meet for a quickie.

I would stay if we can co parent well, he removes her from his life and seriously tries to forget her and avoid her and if it benefits me financially to stay. Why should I come worse off for the sake of a meaningless crush? Emotions are fickle and changeable.. they don't even truly know each other. Why would I miss out on seeing my children every day and struggle financially, for a silly little fantasy that never crossed physical anyway? For the sake of children and financial security the cheating husband has to sacrifice by removing his dalliance from his life and the wife will have to sacrifice the naivity of everlasting love. When you have children under 18, it's not all about your own sexual satisfaction or feelings. These things should have been chosen carefully before children. The role model for the children would be to take marriage seriously, to commit, to forgive and to appreciate what you have. It would also instil the value of a family unit and that you don't jump ship at the first hurdle.

I have a feeling that sex was involved. I cannot imagine that they would meet up several times just for a ‘coffee’ and that they just had a kiss and a hug and fallen in love with her, I think he’s probably just told either you or his wife that nothing has happened.

I cannot myself imagine staying in a relationship where someone has declared their love for another woman, it would tear me apart and I would just resent him and that would not be good for the kids,

How dare he trash his wife by behaving like this and she going along with it implying that she will tolerate it for the sake of their marriage and family life!

He is an abuser and you are his victim if it is you and not someone else

No I'm not the OW or the wife. Just someone with a connection to one of the parties involved.

I think I might be able to forgive a one night stand but an affair I couldn’t as it’s not just one silly mistake.
In some ways an emotional affair is so much more hurtful than a physical affair.

If my partner ever said he was in love with someone else and not me then it would be over straight away.
I get that it’s hard on the wife but my dignity and self respect comes first.

Whats funny is I guarantee that if the wife left him and he got with the OW it wouldn’t last 5 mins and he’d be begging for his wife back.

Absolutely right

I suppose the pp who said about it being shiny and new is right too.

Who the hell would tell you that.

Wife admitting he no longer loves her but wants to stay regardless or
husband explaing to another party he wants to stay with wife who he no longer loves.

I can't imagine anyone being told that unless you are the ow. Telliing family a possibility but more unlikely. Friends also, but could be bravado.

Can't imagine a wife telling anyone this and expecting any other advice than to dump him.

Whatever the case if you are not actually in the relationship, you know jack shit.
Men lie.