How can I console my friend? I could use some advice!

[YouAreNotBatman]

So my friend is turning 40 this fall and she has increasingly become more and more sad that she has been single all her life.

I’m really not much better at any of this, so I don’t really know what to say or do.
I’ve noticed that she’s been more down past year or two.

She doesn’t believe anyone is ever going to love her, that she’s missing out a big part of life and scared of getting older and being alone.

How can I help?

A little bump.

Empathise. Don't tell her she'll meet someone or give her similar platitudes. I was exactly the same at 30. I'm married, but childless not through choice.

Accept she is grieving a life she wanted and hasn't had. It's really hard to grieve things like no kids if you want them, no partner if you're feeling lonely etc. Grief can hit hard and when it's a societal "norm" like a long term relationship or children or similar, it's hard to talk about it.

Do something together that she'll enjoy doing. Go away for a weekend, see a show, go climbing, buy her plants and for her garden and a bottle of wine to drink while she plants them - whatever it is that works for your friendship. Just be her friend, that's the most important thing you can do.

Whatever you do, DON'T say "you'll find someone".

We hate that. Just admit you don't know what the answer is, boost her confidence by highlighting everything else she has going for her and pour her a glass of wine.

I was your friend until I met my first ever DP at 39. I felt like such an outcast from society and looking back it cast such a dark shadow over my life for too many years.

Like the pp have said, just empathise and be a good friend. Perhaps occasionally suggest going out and doing some fun and interesting things together rather than sitting at home as, for me, that just made me feel worse.