Would you live with an ex again for financial reasons?

[SecretMoomin]

Ex and I are both struggling money-wise.
He rents, I live with the dc in our house and pay the mortgage.

The deal would be that we are not getting back together, sleep in separate rooms.

I’m torn. Financially this makes so much sense, particularly with ever-rising costs.
He’s not abusive, but obviously there are reasons why we separated, which still stand, which need to be considered.

I don’t want to give too many details as it could be outing.

Has anyone done this?

I've considered it .

But I stayed with ex hubby 3 months when my last relationship ended . It drove me mad even though we still really get on . And now I've been living alone for 3 years I think I'm too used to solitude for it to work . Plus what happens if either of you meet someone else? And you have to consider how it would look to the kids .

I would, but I don’t think he would I have offered to build a loft extension for him to have his own area and he said “only if it had external stairs!!”

He’s an ex for a reason.

If you considering moving the ex back in, could you get a lodger instead?

Good points.
He spends a lot of time at home anyway, and it can drive me mad.

We separated 4 years ago and I do value my space.

The children are a bit older so I would hope things could be explained.

Depends on the reasons why you separated in the first place but on the face of it I can't see a problem.

What were the reasons you split?

How would you deal with each other dating/having visitors? It also may make it hard for you to date since people may not believe you're actually separated.

Children aside, will family/friends assume you're getting back together and how will they react to that?

None of us (me or dc) could cope with a lodger, plus we only have one bathroom/loo.

I couldn’t do it - 1 he would drive me potty & 2, too much confusion for my 6year old DD but it depends on why you split, if you fell out of love but are otherwise amicable, I would say it could work but if like my ex, he’s grumpy, negative & unable to cope with life then it won’t work!

The reasons for splitting were a very difficult few years with the dc, which I mainly had to deal with and he opted out, which completely changed my feelings about him, talking didn’t get anywhere and I kind of checked out of the marriage (obviously more specifics, but in a nutshell that’s it).

At the moment I don’t have any desire to meet anyone else, I’m happy on my own.

On the one hand being more financially secure could give me more options to work more, which could lead to me being able to move our.
I do have to consider that it could be really bad for my mental health.

As for friends/family, I would think if we were both clear that this was an arrangement to make things more stable for the children and for us they would have to understand!

Neither of us have visitors.
Both of us can be grumpy, but hopefully this could be sorted by having separate rooms.

We would share living space though so it does need to be thought through.

I honestly don’t know if I could do it, but I need to go through the thought processes before I can say either way.
The financial stuff is tempting. I don’t know if he would see that as selfish on my part though, although it would benefit him as well.

Hmm, but if one of you met somebody? You might not be looking, but sometimes someone comes along. Or he might meet someone.

You'd need to discuss housework and cooking etc. What was he like with that before? Would you try to share responsibilities - what happens if he turns out to be a lazy housemate?

And if he had the tendency to opt out of family life, he may continue to be like that, but living in the house again will make it more frustrating.

Are your bedrooms big enough to turn into nice places to retreat from each other?

My mum and dad did this. It did not work out well.

They got divorced for a reason. The reasons were still there when for some reason (most likely my mums complete inability to manage money) they decided to buy a big house together when I was 12. They managed 4 years before my mum moved out ( with me and my brother)

My parents argued all the time.

Then my dad got a girlfriend who hated all of us, which finally ended in me going NC with him.

No way would I live with my ex again. Never ever.

Good points that I need to think about.

@takingmytimeonmyride thanks for the other side of things. If we could live together happily we probably still would be.

This sounds like hell on earth. Don't do it.

Just the fact that it's a confusing matter for you gives you a hint of the confusion for your DC.

Yes I think you’re right.

I did this with my ex. He moved into the spare room to save for a deposit on his flat. It was for 6 months and was alright. I was dating someone but we either went to his or hotels to be alone. I probably spent more money as I didn't charge him to stay so he could save as much as possible. He now lives 5 mins away but is here a lot still. Luckily my DH gets on well with him. If we ever split up they would no doubt stay friends ha

There could be a possibility of converting a garage, which I’d happily live in.
We’d still have to share living space though.

Sharing living space wasn't an issue for me when I stayed 3 months . We get on really well . But him getting up at 5am on a Saturday morning, and having the telly up loud , and laughing at it , and putting his music on loud , plus I was in a box room living out of a suitcase.....I got irritated.
But bless him he still cooked for me and we watched tv together and laughed together.
We were together for 30 years. But it made me miss family life as it could have been and that hurt . We contemplated getting back together but I just couldn't abide the thought of intimacy with him . On that score there were always issues . So - we now live apart and while financially stretched , I'm happy and he's now seeing someone. I'd cramp
His style if I were there . It would be awkward I think . I can't imagine his girlfriend would want to sit and watch a movie or eat a takeaway all 3 of us 😂