Don’t really know what I want from this thread - maybe a bit of handholding, a bit of a rant (and probably for someone to give my head a wobble).
We’re staying with my in-laws for 2 weeks at their second home. They live abroad, we live in the U.K. and we are very lucky to be able to come and stay with them.
But my god they do my head in sometimes. As they’ve got older they’ve become so fixed in their ways. FIL full-on hovers over you, constantly asks questions, or just watches you, but always with an air of judgement. DH & I were washing up the dishes from lunch, FIL just stood there watching us - like he was waiting for us to mess up somehow? Everything has to done according to his routine, such as mealtimes, but he also makes pass-ag comments if you want to do something differently. This is partly a holiday for us, so I want to sleep in, but I can hear him every morning asking why we’re still in bed, then he’ll ask you as soon as you appear if you didn’t sleep well since it’s “so late”. MIL is a full-on martyr: she’s not feeling too well at the moment but insists that every meal be cooked by her. Suggestions that DH & I cook, or we go out, or get a takeaway, are immediately brushed away. Then she complains she’s tired! The cooking is her form of control: she watches what you eat and makes comments if you go for a snack outside of mealtimes, or that X or Y are “not suitable” for lunch or dinner, or that she’ll just have a salad while we have a pizza, then do these dramatic sighs while we’re all tucking in. She constantly tells my DH he’s too fat, and probably thinks the same of me but wouldn’t dare say it.
Above all I think it’s just the constant expectation for interaction, engagement, whatever you want to call it. They will happily sit for the whole afternoon talking about absolutely nothing, for days on end. Every time I appear there’s a barrage of questions. Since we’re here for a chunk of time I brought work stuff to do WFH some days, but it’s impossible to work in peace as there’s always someone about who wants to ask you something. I’m quite introverted and like time by myself. There’s also a bit of a language barrier: I speak the language but not hugely well, so I find long conversations tiring. But then DH gets annoyed that I’m antisocial, that I’m too quiet, not chatty enough. I do engage (yesterday was a holiday & I spent the whole day helping with the big family lunch, hours at the table, then all watching a film together in the evening). But after a few days they drive me mad and I want to get away, but can’t. And we have 4 days of actual ‘holiday’ away with them next week, staying at a hotel, still to go.
I know the obvious answer is to go for less time, but DH won’t entertain that. His response when I suggested a shorter stint is that it’s not enough time. But time for what?! Just sitting around here, having the same conversations in circles over and over? Next year I’m putting my foot down and he can go alone, and I’ll either sit it out entirely or join him later…