Bullying sister

[learieonthewildmoor]

I have a sister who bullies me. She interrupts me so I can’t finish sentences, puts me down, and is nasty whenever she sees an opportunity. I have decided I won’t go to family events when she is there.

My other siblings seem to think I am being unreasonable. I think they are being unreasonable by inviting her. I feel really hurt that they don’t care she is upsetting me, nor have put down any ground rules like “stop doing that shit”.

I feel like not going to anymore events. I feel like they have chosen her.

I read something once that really resonated with me - people will 'side' with a bully because they don't want to be the next person mistreated.. It really helped me to see that sometimes it's not about taking sides but protecting oneself..
Try and foster relations with your other siblings as best you can, avoid the famiky events if you need to but try and see them separately xx

It's a difficult one: it really puts your siblings into a bind, telling them essentially that they have to choose. And because it's you making them make the choice between you while presumably she's fine with still seeing you, you kind of look like the aggressor or the squeaky wheel from their point of view, however unfair that is.

Are your parents still around?

Our parents are both dead. She started being unpleasant after our mother died, and has kicked out the stops now Dad has died.
I do see how it’s easier to take her side, but it makes me feel really unvalued and unsupported.
She doesn’t mind seeing me, because she really enjoys playing Top Dog and baiting another person and the drama that ensues.
She lives very far away and doesn’t come over often. I don’t think my siblings think it’s a big deal if I miss out every once in a while, and then come to things when she’s not there.

I think I will try saying “let’s catch up on our own” if I get any queries.

I'd just avoid her. If you have to see her and she is nasty just give her that look that's like 'lol...wtf' with the raised eyebrow and the snort-laugh) then pivot and walk away. Or look at orher ppl there like 'get a load of this bs, are tou hearing this?' (You know the look). And then again, pivot and walk away.

She can't claim you are badmouthing her if you don't actually anything. And people are more inclined to feel comfortable voicing their own distaste at her if they see she makes other people uncomfortable too.

A monotone 'don't speak to me that way' and then walking away works too.

*actually say anything

This is my sister too. sorry no advice to offer just solidarity. I have for years avoided seeing her and DM in the same room as she competes for attention aged nearly 60!

I find it incredibly painful and hard to laugh off though

This.

You can't change her but you can avoid her.

Be glad she is not living near you.

If you are not around she may pick on another sibling and behave badly🤞, leave them to deal with her.

Don't allow her to spoil your relationship with your siblings.

In a very similar situation (although if it’s not causing me pain anymore is it still a situation ) in similar circumstances to you OP. Not all of our siblings seem to be aware of the divide and if they do they haven’t mentioned it or got involved. Those that tried to triangulate were politely seen off with a stance that made it clear it had nothing to do with them and shouldn’t affect our relationships going forward. Set your boundary, assert yourself and don’t fall into any aggressive exchanges about it. You’re protecting your peace in a way that works for you.