What's a "Peter Pan" and why are they not good?

[TwinklingFairyLightz]

I keep seeing this phrase on dating threads and wondered what a "Peter Pan" is and why they are not seen as good partner material?

Not heard this but it's obviously a boy who never grew up. Like Peter Pan?

A man child who hasn't grown up - so you get to be his partner and his mother yippee!

Peter Pan was the boy who never grew up.

So how do you recognise a Peter Pan?

Spent their 30s backpacking round the world?

Nah, not necessarily. It's subtler.

It's something you get a feel for; a personality thing, rather than a list of definitive behaviours IMO.

A peter pan makes it sound fun haha

I mean, 100 wouldn't date a 'man child' but have no issues dating someone spontaneous and with a childlike enthusiasm for the world. To me, Peter pan isn't necessarily a disparaging remark...outwith mumsnet lol.

But you definately don't ont want to date a man who can't commit to anything and takes no personal responsibility for things. That'll suck your inner child dry quicker than you can say there no such thing as fairies.

Peter Pan types for me also tend to make you feel bad for not being as carefree as they are.

Why can't you just lighten up? You only live once... I'm here for a good time, not a long time... 😡

A good indicator for me is the extent to which they quote Kerouac and Bukowski. If On The Road is their favourite book, run a mile.

I don't mind enthusiastic spontaneity, a Peter pan just isn't the type to help you dry the tent out and unpack the car after the adventure.

You want to see how they conduct day to day life at home - do they clean, tidy, keep the home nice?

Personal hygiene - any effort made?

Do they offer to help others with mundane stuff including clearing up etc when in other people's homes? Or even just get on with helping out?

Pay bills on time? Make an effort in their job/ to get there/ basically are they 'adulting' without relying on their parent or older sibling to come and do everything?

Im with a manchild. I missed a load of the signs because of where he lived but I did being some things up when we met. The extent of his inability to do anything was really hidden.

I resent him a lot. We are working on it. He's waiting for an adhd assessment.

This, they have moved from mother doing it all to partner doing it all. They have no time for the grunt work that makes the spontaneity possible.

My xh still listens to radio 1 aged 56

I see it as someone who hasn't emotionally matured either, always has someone else to blame for how they feel, it's always someone else's fault, can never admit they are wrong, no capacity to self reflect, basically don't want to adult themselves, which I guess will end up in the same lack of practicality skills.

100% this!

Peter Pan resented grown-ups.

So your Peter Pan type might be the fun guy, charming etc, but you can't rely on him and if you try to make him face up to his responsibilities and do his share of the boring stuff, he hates you.

It can definitely apply to women too.

If you've ever watched or heard of Peter Pan surely it's quite obvious

It's a man who has never grown up

Not usually ideal boyfriend or husband material

A man who is a child. Who does rash, stupid things, doesn’t take responsibility is a right drag as doesn’t adult and contributed equally.

a Peter Pan father takes them out all without sun cream they eat sugar vomit and then he returns them to or ex wife and buggers off to the pub. Meanwhile woman deals with two children high on sugar and dehydrated with sun burn complaining whilst she makes them do their homework and pack their bags for school

I had a Peter Pan. Saving up for something big rather than just adding it to the mortgage and having it right now was just so booooring.

I can introduce you to my exH - for reference purposes only! You'll be oh so clear in your head then!!!

My brother is a 37 year Peter Pan who even calls
his bit on the side Wendy. Avoid at all costs. Usually mummy’s boys too.

That's how I view a Peter Pan too - I dated one for a few years. Completely exhausting. He was a high functioning Peter Pan, did all the adult stuff but to the bare minimum to get along, had his own successful business and a three figure salary, but bitched about it every single day and at the age of 40 was desperate to retire despite also having expensive tastes. Because he had money he would farm out everything to people he paid, cleaning, driving, even holiday travel. He was needy beyond belief too, he needed more attention than a baby or the dog. Nothing was ever his fault, it was either someone else's or the universe or both. If you didn't give him your undivided attention all the time, and didn't agree with him all the time, he would sulk at an Olympic gold level. It was a subtle transition though, took me a while to figure it out.