how to be a good friend?

[Blinkonce]

I don't think I'm a very good friend but want to be better. I've been a crap friend over the years, mostly caused by my own insecurity ,(throwing myself into bad relationships and ignoring/losing friendships), or how I was raised (mum is passive aggressive and just cuts people out of her life completely if they upset her and my parents never had friends as I was growing up). I do have some friends but most live far away and I've detached somewhat from them. I think I think of them as good friends but they probably don't think the same as they have other friends. I've got a 10 month old so busy. I go through flurries of messaging people but struggle to continue messaging. I don't have any friends from school or uni and I feel sad about that. I've cut people out of my life but think now I should've just talked to them. My husband and his family are much more honest and open with friends and they have lots! Any advice on how to be a better friend?

I think you've already answered your own question. From what you've said you need to be more open to how you feel and communicate it when needed or act on it when needed...like making plans with people who you do want to see and not ones you don't. It also seems like you need to be able to maintain friendships simply by keeping in touch.

It sounds like youve increased your self awareness and now it's time to get out there a start to meet new people.

My friendships can ebb and flow and I know I've not been as good a friend as I could be at certain points in my life. Real friendships generally withstand these periods though.

What do you want out of your friendships? Once you work this out, you can probably think about what you are putting in to those friendships to get the same in return.

If you need someone to lean on during tough times, for example, then how much do you know about your friends' lives? Have you taken the time to ask how their family are, how their relationships are going or how their health is?

I could have written this myself. I am so jealous of people who have lifelong friendships, I think I have a subconscious belief that I am only going to disappoint someone so I sabotage the friendship/cut them off