Financial position - am I catastrophizing?

[Treallk]

I’ve always been really careful and had decent savings and good income. I had a tough time years ago and never forgot it so part of my stress may be linked to that. I just don’t know.

Basically me and DP aren’t together and I’m having a baby soon. He’s been completely unsupportive and based on encouragement from family and friends I’ve been told being closer to family would be best at least for a few years. I made an offer on a house that will mean my mortgage goes from 650 to 1k a month, so a 350 difference - coincidentally I’ve just paid off my student loan so this cancels out the increase. The purchase will leave me with 12k savings when I’ve always had around 25k so this is causing me a lot of anxiety.

Ex should pay 750 a month based online calculator. He’s a workaholic (one of the reasons we broke up) and so friends are saying to just save that and if I go part time or need nursery care this will then be ready for it. I know rationally that it’s true he will probably be working but 1. I feel terrible claiming it when he’s made it clear he has no interest in DC and 2. It’s not exactly a certainty that he will be working even if he is obsessed with it… I can’t rely on it if you see what I mean?

there are quite literally no cheaper houses in the area other than tiny cottages that wouldn’t work. With interest rates this is a decent repayment too but I can’t get past the 1k… it seems like LOADS. I’m also worried if lose my job and only have 12k left… that’s what, 6 months or so mortgage?

I feel stuck because if I stay where I am I am quite alone. I’m also in a house I will not be able to move from because interest rates are so high now that I wouldn’t find somewhere in time to use the lower rate.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so stressed and worried and on top of all this have background anxiety that the house will fall apart or something!!!!

Is your ex a super high earner OP as that seems v high for maintenance?

@Snog hi, the calculation is correct and takes into account maximum pension contribution so could be higher - I’ve gone with worst case scenario

How long have you been paying both the current mortgage and student loan payment together? If it's been say 3 years and it's been manageable I'd probably say go for the new mortgage. Can you afford childcare now in theory with your leftover income?

I save DS's child maintenance every month in an account that provides me emergency funds in case it all goes to shit as I'm hesitant to ever be reliant on it.

This

Is the ex self employed or employed? If self employed does he disclose full income to HMRC? If he doesn’t then he can pay you very little. Happened to a friend of mine.

I'd be careful in assuming that your ex will pay what you believe that he should be paying, especially as you say he has zero interest in your child.

@Snog yep this is exactly my worry!

@Suzi888 he’s employed.

ive done the calculation on max pension contribution of 40% but I’m not sure he would do that in any case. Never know though

my worry is exactly that I can’t rely on and it makes it a much riskier move.

@Rtmhwales I’ve always been paying both as I only paid it off last month

If you have a stable job, then go for it. You're going to be no worse off financially with the new house. Claim CM too, he has to pay legally so unless he wants to quit his job, he will be paying. If you don't get it, again, you're no worse off as you weren't getting it before.

Well, you have a bigger cushion than me with 12k and I have been a single parent of 2DC for many, many years! I had some steep legal costs which wiped out my savings (and I still feel bitter about if I am honest). The question is probably more if you have enough money to live on after mortgage and bills have come out, without the maintenance, as that is not reliable.

@Treallk it doesn’t make it risked than the situation you are in now.
Your outgoings are stil the same (because student loan is now gone) so if you were made redundant, you would have a similar position (and just a bit more savings).

If your ex is employed, you will get the CM as it can be deduced from his wage.
I agree that you might decide NOT to assume you get it, plan Wo it and make the best if it coming!
But please don’t feel bad about it. He is as responsible you are of the baby. If he doesn’t want a baby, tough shit. He should have had a vasectomy. Now that baby is here, he has to face his own responsibilities which include paying CM.

Never ever rely on child maintenance.

You will see many of us have done and it's so so easy for NRP to fuck with the system and figures.

Always treat it as bonus money.

Max pension contribution (tax efficient) isn’t 40%, it’s £40k pa. That may make a difference? Are you able to get something agreed with him in writing with a lawyer re: what he will pay? To maximise the likelihood that he will? I could never get my ex to agree this, and after the first year he started paying a lot less than the minimum, and stopped paying maintenance entirely about three years ago, when his income dropped from over £100k to ‘only’ £70k…

You have to live somewhere. It’s best that you live somewhere that a) is all yours, for security and b) is near to support.

You won’t be worse off month to month. You’ll still have £12K savings.

Can you afford childcare costs to work FT without the child maintenance? Or will the CM be necessary to afford nursery?

If you can run a budget - even if it’s meagre - based on just you paying childcare costs plus mortgage plus outgoings, then you are in a very fortunate position and that’s brilliant.

If you’ll not break even without child maintenance then that’s trickier, but you say he’s employed so if worst comes to worst yo can claim off his salary direct. You can also look at a longer length of mortgage, cheaper childcare, condensing working hours etc. It’s usually a painful time financially for all parents, you won’t be alone in that, but the early years are the worst.

Try not to worry too much.