problems with my husband.

[gettingannoyed]

Hi I'm new here and was wondering if I could have some advice! I gave birth to my son four weeks ago and have been somewhat disheartened by my husbands way of doing things since. I am breastfeeding, but it is him who sleeps in late, as although he manages to sleep through the feeds his sleep is still 'disturbed'. He is off work for another couple of weeks. When he gets up in the (late) morning, he spends his day on the computer and is very little or no help around the house. He will change the babies nappy occaisionally and help at bath time.
Shortly after my baby was born he became unwell and we had to spend some time in hospital, we were not prepared for the fact that we may have to stay in and I had nothing (spare a few nappies) for the baby or myself. I phoned my husband in the morning after our first night in hospital and told him we had run out of nappies, and yet he still did not arrive untill gone 3 in the afternoon, despite knowing that his son was in a dirty nappy all that time (the hospital did not supply them). He had been out untill 2 in the morning the night before, leaving my mother who had been staying home on her own.
The next day he was no better, having only brought a few nappies in, we had run out again, and my son also needed a change of clothes. He had not gone home at all that night and had stayed with his brother, and so did not have any of the things we needed. He refused to go and buy anything, meaning his parents had to go out and get things for me. He also said he would not be rushing in as he found being there 'boring'. He is out again tonight, despite knowing that I had brought a 'special' tea and I am just sick of it all.
Our conversation only seems to involve snapping at each other, he has said he is sick of me nagging him and asking 'can you...' ie, pass me a drink, tissue as I am breast feeding. He begrudges having to do anything around the house, and basically I completely dislike him. I really feel like I no longer want to be with him. We just don't seem to get on. Is this feeling mainly to do with my hormones and things will get better? I really don't know if my feelings are reasonable or not.

GA, I don't have any helpful advice to add that you have't been given already, but just wanted to add a message of support. I'm a new mum myself - my DS is 3 weeks old so I totally understand the anxiety, mad mood swings, hormones going mad etc.

Good luck sorting things out with your DH. And colditzmum - respect

This sounds exactly like my DH..my dd is 4 months old and DH seems to be getting worse not better. I agree with everyone else some men find it hard to adjust. I find that if I ask DH to do something he waits on average about 1 hour before helping so its useless. DH has never got up in night to feed dd..I used to express milk for him. Anyway I know it can wear you down, but it does seem to be quite common also the hormones really don't help although my DH (less of the DEAR) thinks women use hormones as an excuse what do you think of that?

Colditzmum,

hahahahaha! A woman much like myself, I dont beat about the bush much myself and the good lord know anyman letting go of the buggy downhill better be expecting a kick!

I think there is a time for being coy and patient and a time for laying down the deal how it stsnads and how its going to stand from hereoin.

I am sure GA that you love you r partner and he loves you and baby. However some forms of behaviour are simply unacceptable.

• Not supplying or haphazardly supplying nappies in hospital is NOT acceptable.

• Not carrying his weight about the house when you need him most is NOT acceptable.

• Going out when you have bought a special tea, is being mean and spiteful and is NOT acceptable.

• Having the bare faced audacity and nerve to call you a fussy cry-baby after carrying and giving birth to YOUR child is NOT acceptable.

• Having a baby does chamge your life emotionally, financially, menatlly and physically. Thinking it does not clearly means he is not playing an active part with his new family. NOT acceptable behaviour.

and so on and so forth.

You can make excuses for him or you can address the situation as it stands. He is a grown man not a new born. Whip him into shape, dont back down, stand your ground and follow through with everything you say, you dont have to mean to him, just firm and consistant. He needs it and eventually will respect you for it. After he's sulked and name-called of course.

Good Luck

Tam xx