Is anyone awake? Struggling tonight!

[Lucelove]

So my partner left me on Thursday night, and currently I am staying on my mums sofa until I find somewhere to rent (got viewings on Tuesday so hopefully asap).
My mums house is 60 miles away from where I lived with my ex and that’s where my job is, so I am facing that commute in the morning and have to be up at 5am for it.
I called into work on Friday and didn’t go in, so tomorrow is the first day of it and I just feel sick. It’s now nearly midnight and I’m still wide awake on the sofa, just feeling heartbroken and knowing that tomorrow (as well as being tired) I’m going to be crying all the way to work, especially when I have to drive past our house on the way.
I just feel hopeless, and think I just need some kind words maybe! I just don’t feel like this will ever get better, even though I know it will. Breakups are shit and I love my ex so much and don’t want the breakup, but I have to accept his decision. I think I’m still in shock that this came out of the blue. I have barely eaten or slept since Thursday (and with the heatwave I’ve spent a lot of time in pubs and the garden with friends and family and have drank far too much), and I feel like I am going to crash so hard tomorrow.
can anyone help me feel better xxx

How did you go at work OP. How you pulled up okay.
Any progress on the talks with your other half? X

My day at work was okay thank you, didn’t struggle as much as I thought with getting there. I found the hardest part was finishing work, normally I’d be happy to get home and see dp but instead I’m driving past the house on my way back to my mums, with nothing to be happy about. It was very hard x

I haven’t spoken to him, I’m blocked everywhere and he’s asked me not to contact him. As much as I want to talk to him I wouldn’t be able to without contacting him via someone else and looking crazy

Hope you managed to get a better nights sleep @Lucelove
As hard as going to work and driving past the house is, it’s probably good to help you keep focussed and busy. You’re doing the right thing by respecting his wishes. Hopefully once he has had some time to think and see you’ve listened to what he’s said then he might be in touch.
Right now, focus on you and your next steps. Do
things for you that you’ve never had a chance to do.

Thank you, I did sleep better. I do have a package that will be delivered there in about a week, it’s a subscription box and the order has already been processed for the month so I can’t change the delivery address. He’s going to have to contact me when it arrives, and I hope that by then he will have had his space and it will open up a conversation, as sad as that sounds!

Op please be careful. He wouldn't just block you over a silly argument.

Focus on your work. That kept me going. Take a longer route home if it means you don't have to drive past the house.
I'm in a HMO now. Its not ideal but its cheaper rent. How did the viewings go today?

The kind of person he is, he does just block over a silly argument unfortunately :( things have never worked out with ex’s for him and he’s always said they argued too much and he had to go. But now seeing how he’s been with me over a silly argument, I don’t think they were the problem. He has said to me multiple times in the past that people who are meant to be together and ‘work’ together never argue, not even little ones. Which is madness to me. I think maybe he is looking for something very unrealistic tbh

The viewings didn’t go great, one of the flats was very dingy and freaky and the other one was nice, but had no fridge or oven. I can deal with a place being unfurnished and will take money from my savings to furnish it, but I really don’t want to be spending above the odds on kitting out a kitchen as well.

What im thinking right now is to deal with the commute and this situation of living at my mums for 1 month and then see how I feel and what I am going to do next. Because im also thinking, will it send me under living in the same town so close to him and living alone?

Maybe in one month I’ll feel like I’m fine to move there and stay at my job that I love, or maybe I’ll decide it’s more important to leave my job and get a new one and be closer to my hometown. Either way I do need to move out asap because this is no way to live. But maybe it’s best to spend some time getting over the shock and coming to terms with it before making decisions

I thought all couples had little arguments to be honest or certainly disagreements but normally you quickly agree to disagree and move on. So he is being unrealistic.

My job is about 1 mile from my now old house. I did think of leaving but she took everything else and I wasn't going to let her destroy my work. 4 years later I'm still at the same place.

Look on spareroom.com for accommodation. Its shared but sometimes with your own bathroom but also fully furnished. It may just help you get back on your feet.

If you want your own place though you can pick up a fridge freezer and cooker second hand really easily.

@Lucelove

Any contact at all from him?

How are you op x

I tried to reach out because I thought ‘what have I got to lose?’ If I reach out and he tells me to go away then i’m still in the same place. So I did reach out and did get told to leave him alone, so feeling pretty shit x

Struggling a lot to be honest! X

Oh lovely, he's being very cruel. Clearly, as far as he's concerned it's done and dusted and I think it's awful he just expects you to bugger off.

However, I think it's also clear he's showing you what he's really like and there's no way back from this. I would also gently repeat what I said upthread, it's likely that he's moved on. For your own dignity, please don't contact him again, he's not good enough for you even if he was interested.

I found www.carersuk.org/ really helpful.

You are getting through this a step at a time. I suggest you allow your parents to help with getting your car sorted asap. Accept help, ask for help, it’s your oxygen mask. You’re going to be using every ounce of strength, let anyone who’s willing and able help you make that strength go further.

💐💐💐💐💐

Weirdly landed on a thread I wasn’t even on but good luck to the OP of this thread anyway x

Oh love, from what you’ve described I don’t think it’s meant to be and if he stipulates no contact after a small argument or disagreement what kind of future would you have had with him? But, I do recognise the deep hurt you are going through, it can feel paralysing. At least you got to work and started to look for somewhere else. Remember too, you can cry and then as the days pass the shock and hurt will start to dissipate, like snow melting. You have a right to feel angry too for how he treated you and his other exs. And although I know you possibly feel reconciliation with him would make you feel better in the immediate short term, just remind yourself that he was prepared to end it so abruptly. I know it’s not comforting to hear these words but remember too that you will mostly likely meet someone else when the pain has diminished.
Sending big hugs and strength. Xx

@Lucelove how's it going? x