What could possibly go wrong?

[idontneedyou]

I will try and keep this brief and factual:

Met exDP in the UK in 2014. I am Canadian, he is British. I was only due to be in the UK one year, but ended up staying for 2 extra years to be with him. I only left in 2017 as my visa ran out.

We stayed long distance till 2019 with the plan that he would join me in Canada once he finished his training, but he couldn't get a job here. During our time long distance, we saw each other 7 times (usually for 2 weeks at a time).

exDP joined me in Canada in 2019 for 3 months but had to return due to not being able to get work and couldn't stay much longer due to holiday visa. Lockdown happened, and I then decided to split with him as I couldn't see a way to close the long distance gap.

I didn't see him at all in 2020, but we remained in contact. I saw him once in 2021, and again, we are still in contact.

It is now 2022 and I have seen him a few times as travel is much easier. I want to get back together but it would mean relocating to the UK. I believe he is the love of my life, but I am nervous about making the move and it not working out. We are both mid 30s and I'd like to get engaged if I do the move. Am I right to insist on this step before moving?

I have been single the entire time since we split. He has dated around, had a few flings, but nothing serious.

So from 2014 to 2017 you had a 3 year relationship? Did you live together, fully integrate your lives etc?

Only asking as if not and most of your time has been spent on "holidays" travelling to see each other id be a bit hesitant to relocate such a distance, move in and get engaged.

However, if you did live together 3 years and feel like you know each other well then it seems reasonable to expect

Yes, our lives were fully integrated from 2014 to 2017. Shared friends, lived together, our respective family's (both set of parents and siblings) holidayed together on one occasion.

We know each other really well. I'm just at the point where it feels like a big gamble to move if it's not going to lead to real commitment. I was initially hoping that would have come in 2019, but it never did.

He couldnt get a job in Canada? Unbelievable.
People are desperate here, every sector is understaffed, this has been going on since well before Covid.
He doesnt want to live in Canada.

Do you want to have children, OP?

Having seen the fall-out first hand more than once, I would never, ever have children with anyone who fundamentally wanted to live in a different county to me. If you come to the UK, have children, and then split, you will be faced with either staying in the UK regardless, leaving your children behind and returning to Canada, or - if he let's you - bringing them with you to Canada and pretty much ending the opportunity for them to have a meaningful relationship with their father.

With 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, it just isn't a risk I would take. As I said, I've seen it play out a few times (former expat) and there are no good outcomes.

On the other hand, if you don't want children, then why not - assuming you have the right to work in the UK?