Hi all,
Has anyone else ever felt that? You grow up with the notion that family are what matters, they’ll be there for you and it really hurts when that isn’t your reality.
My parents separated when I was 3. Stayed with my mum but we weren’t close and she was emotionally (more so) and physically abusive at times. She went on to marry twice more - had my brother with the first, big age gap with me, his dad was an alcoholic. Second one was much older than her and emotionally abusive to me, assaulted me once and physically to our two dogs. He constantly tried to drive a wedge between my mum and I and she always took his side. I spent most of my home life hiding in my bedroom, moving out at 19.
My dad remarried and had 3 more children - even bigger age gap. I was slowly phased out as a child the more children he had - weekend visits went to one day a week and he got tattoos for all his new children, one of them as a cover up for his tattoo for me. Sounds ridiculous but not great for your self esteem as a child! He’s now split from this wife so I don’t see these siblings.
Now I’m an adult, nearly 30 with an amazing 2 year old. If anything it teaches you to value your own little family and what you want for them! I’ve been the person trying hard, making all the contact but lately have just been so tired of it.
My dad didn’t even wish my son a happy birthday on his last one, my oldest brother has met him once, despite the fact we were close at one point. If I don’t make effort, I hear nothing. My dad will only get in touch to tell me about his latest relationship dramas, he never asks to visit us or spend any time together, we always have to arrange to go to him. He spends all his money and recent inheritance on things like motorbikes, a new sporty car, then will complain he doesn’t have money, one of the only other things he will message me about.
My mum will always offer to buy things for us to help but is never ‘physically’ there. She’ll say we just have to let her know but anytime we have asked for help, she doesn’t follow through on it. I’d much rather someone’s time. Today, she arranged she’d come and help me with some cleaning (I’m pregnant and rather ill, DH is a police officer so shifts). As she was leaving for ours, my brother turned up out of the blue so I didn’t hear anything for hours instead.
DH’s mum decided she’d stop speaking to him in Covid lockdown times because she couldn’t come around all the time or have a copy of his shift pattern to schedule visits. Since then she’s pretended DS doesn’t exist, has never wished him happy birthday and ignored DH sending photos and offering olive branches.
DS is the only grandchild on both sides.
I had PND after DS and no-one bothered, aside from DH’s dad who is our main support and just amazing.
Sorry this is so long! I’m so proud of my little boy and what we’ve achieved as parents but it’s just really s&@t feeling so lonely and that people that should care, really don’t.
Hormonal pity party over!!