Never been truly loved and now I never will

[Guuuti]

I’m a newly single mum to one dc, ex broke up with me a week before the birth. I desperately wanted to make it work but know he didn’t treat me particularly well.

Ive never had that proper love, commitment and life with someone. I’m 37 now with a six month old baby and it seems that ship has sailed in the sense of meeting someone, getting engaged, having a home and then family. Even if i did manage to date which is unlikely with a small child, most people don’t want you with baggage (for want of a better word).

I know I could meet someone at 50 etc etc but it’s not the same as sharing family life together. I’m just so horribly sad I never found the one thing I hoped for all my life.

@Guuuti no not really. He just left. He gave me the convenience of 2 conversations after we broke up where he just tore me to bits and blamed me for everything. 2.5 years later obviously I know now that we just weren't ment to be and he would never have made me happy. It's easy to let your brain drift into fantasy world where everything is perfect, but that's not reality.
Just don't punish yourself by thinking this is it for you.
Let yourself feel how you need to feel, but keep looking forward ♥️

You've got a family, that's you and your baby, you can be happy just the two of you.
I promise you will be happier like that than with some bloke who doesn't treat you right or respect you or pull his weight.
It's scary but you'll be fine, at your age you will meet someone eventually if that's what you want.
Life doesn't work out sometimes, the hardest thing for me was accepting I would only have one child when I wanted more.
I was single from when my son was 6months old, had a couple of relationships that I thought might last but didn't then stayed single for 7 years until last year when I really felt ready to meet someone.
I met my partner online, I'm 38, no we won't be having kids together or living together for the foreseeable but it's the best, most loving and genuine relationship I've ever had.

I can imagine its over whelming but my husband is one of three boys and both his brother's married single mothers and loved their children like their own. One of the children was four years old at the time and the other was 12 months.

I am one of five children and my sister was a single mother and she in her 40s met a man with two kids and they are very happy together. My brother has three daughters from three women and in his late 40s had his first marriage to his third daughter's mother...and they are also very happy.

You are not excluded from meeting the love of your life because of your age or because you have a baby.

OP, you sound so sad, I really feel for you. But you won’t be alone forever and even if you are, it’s much less lonely raising children on your own than with someone who’s not good enough to do it with you. I learned that the hard way with exDH - I remember saying many a time that I just wanted him to act like he wanted to be around us (me and the DC) instead of acting like we were an inconvenience.
I’m also another saying don’t give up on love - after I split with exDH I reconnected with a very old friend and we fell head over heels for each other - been together a year now and it’s amazing; I feel like I finally understand now what love is supposed to be (I’m in my 30s!). And I have 3 DC, as does he! We’re in the process of blending families and it’s going brilliantly - we genuinely work as a team and I finally feel like I’m actually raising a family with someone instead of doing it on my own. Don’t give up, the future’s long and holds many twists and turns for all of us 💐

I knew my husband as a friend while I was pregnant in a mutual interest group. We chatted briefly regularly around the group and hung out with the group. I had my baby, left my abusive ex, and when my baby was almost 2 years old he came to an event I was at and we shared a kiss, he told me he had serious feelings for me and had for a while.

That was 6 years ago.

When I left my ex I was worried as well that I had messed up my chance at happy family life, but I was never going to get it with my ex.

It happened because when I was just enjoying my baby, my life, happily and shamelessly just living and being a mother. What's attractive is someone happily living their life without a care in the world for being needed by a partner.

@fuckwhatshouldido thats how I felt with ex, that he never seemed bothered about us/me when pregnant. But we’d been happy before and he’d been excited to be a Dad. I often go over conversations in my head and wonder how all this happened as none of it seemed like him, it’s not like he met someone else either, he’s also now mid forties and single. It just seems such a waste of what could have been. I do have moments where I think gosh you scumbag doing that to us. But sadly more often it’s confusion and longing at the forefront.

@ilovemyboys3 which online dating site if you don't mind sharing?

You’re going through a very sad and difficult time but try to accept this is just a tough ‘season’ - things will get better and you really are still young.

Don’t give up hope, please be encouraged by other people’s stories
Stay strong

I know I could meet someone at 50 etc etc but it’s not the same as sharing family life together

OP I know what you mean.

Coincidentally my abusive marriage ended at 37, 3 DC. Thank God it did. But I felt - still do - so sad I had not had, and was not going to have, the family / marriage I anticipated. The marriage was awful, despite me hoping vainly it would improve.

It's 9 hard years later, I haven't had a relationship, just focused on my DC.

I now hope that I will have a future relationship. Yes, it won't be the one I'd hoped for but I feel optimism there is still an opportunity for happiness.

I didn't ever want a blended family scenario; even if I wanted to date I couldn't, as I had very little support / time away from DC. I'm ok with that choice.

But of course, if you want it, it's more than possible to meet & fall in love with someone; perhaps have more DC, perhaps become a step-parent.

Right now, just focus on yourself & your baby. There will be better times ahead. 💐

My Nan, met the ‘love of her life’ and married at 16.

Had over 10 children. He ran off with OW. Left her ill, in debt up to her eyeballs and in trouble with the law (he stole something from where she worked before doing his midnight flit and the police thought she aided him)

She then met her second husband smack bang in the middle of this, dirt poor, toothless (they pulled your teeth after you had a baby back in the day) and children everywhere – they were so loved up it was unreal. He took on all the children too and they had even more children. They were married for decades in a loving, respectful and balanced relationship. She was utterly utterly heartbroken when he died. She was in her later years at this point and not even looking for love as she was still deeply mourning the loss of her beloved.

She then met her third husband, in an assisted living facility! She still going strong with her ‘new man’ who worships the ground she walks on.

So I think she’s living proof that love abides if your heart is open.

@Cleopatras Bumble

@ilovemyboys3 thank you because I think its tine i get back into dating so I'm gonna try online dating for the first time ever. Sorry if I derailed the thread.