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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am going crazy

19 replies

Kt4343 · 14/08/2022 16:57

Not sure what is happening here and if this is normal so today after a lovely week holiday with my two boys and my partners son my partner takes offence to a comment my oldest son says he is 16 and has mild autism so talks bluntly sometimes without thinking. I thought o dealt with it explained to him why he was rude and moved on half an hour later I here my partner in his room laying on to him (words only) having a right pop about how lazy and disrespectful he is and how he's going to have a shock in the real world etc without discussing this with me. After I check my son is OK and said I'd speak to his step dad I do this and he takes massive offence tells me he was sticking up for me and us and he needed to be told I told him he wasn't happy and he says he knew he'd get the blame for this I said that must mean he knew he was over stepping the mark he then brings up my antidepressants I have been recently subscribed and says are you still on your tabs as this wouldnt be happening if you was this hurts me as anyone who has been on them knows how low you are to take them and then to blame me for over reacting. We also might need to move out of our private rented house and the landlord is due to visit us next week he goes on to say we need to have a chat before he comes as doesn't want to live with me if we are both clearly soo unhappy I think what the hell we've just had a lovely week and now because I've told him I didn't agree with what he did our relationship is potentially over and I have to find somewhere else to live - this is not normal right? Hes gone out now and I'm left pondering how this should of panned out

OP posts:
SugerNiner · 14/08/2022 17:00

Well you haven't told us what your son said so there's no context.

Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 17:02

What did your son say.? Much of this hinges on that.

puddingandsun · 14/08/2022 17:07

I don't think it matters what the son said so much as

  1. OP dealt with it
  2. The partner was attacking his character, lazy etc rather than discussing the comment

The fact that he is so quick to consider separation would always keep on edge, like he's not 100% in this and not trying to make it work. Sorry, OP.

hattie43 · 14/08/2022 17:09

Hmmm has he been unhappy for a while and this incident is an excuse to leave ?

Kt4343 · 14/08/2022 17:12

It was something of nothing, I get healthcare so put in a claim for a pair of sunglasses for him explained he pays £100 as soon as money is paid back to me I'll transfer it back. My son said mum any news on that £100 yet quite bluntly when already explained the process that was all.... Boring really but sitting here thinking surely this is not normal do other step dad feel the need to pull up behaviour all the time? In context all our boys are generally lovely no real trouble

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2022 17:15

Your partner was seriously out of order.

In no way is what your DS said offensive. Not that there was ever a justification for his over the top reaction to your son anyway.

puddingandsun · 14/08/2022 17:17

Kt4343 · 14/08/2022 17:12

It was something of nothing, I get healthcare so put in a claim for a pair of sunglasses for him explained he pays £100 as soon as money is paid back to me I'll transfer it back. My son said mum any news on that £100 yet quite bluntly when already explained the process that was all.... Boring really but sitting here thinking surely this is not normal do other step dad feel the need to pull up behaviour all the time? In context all our boys are generally lovely no real trouble

Sounds like DP massively overreacted.
I wouldn't have him around my children.

Kt4343 · 14/08/2022 17:17

Possibly, I sold my house and moved to live with him we've not had an easy ride miscarriage bankruptcy and stress at work but that's life isn't it ups and downs but questioning whether this is normal in a relationship I feel like I can never disagree with him because he will make it about something else like my tablets

OP posts:
vaingina · 14/08/2022 17:40

You sold your house and moved in and then went bankrupt. Where is your money now given you are renting?
as for your son- stepfather bang out of order and he knows it. That is why he is bringing up your meds and not sure if he wants to stay together?
He is in the wrong- good you know it. Don’t stay out of desperation, it will only ge5 worse as your kids get older and trickier. Don’t have a child with this man.
I am struggling to understand why you sold your house to move in with him to rental property?

Justleaveitblankthen · 14/08/2022 17:47

Your poor DS. He didn't put a foot wrong 😔
Is his stepdad always such a nasty bully?

KangarooKenny · 14/08/2022 17:49

I think you should live separately.

Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 18:25

Oh then he’s well out of line, you need to get your kids away from the bullying abusive arsehole.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/08/2022 18:44

With comments like your tablets. Once my ex best friend was arguing with me and said have you taken your tablets today (25mg for anxiety) as you don't seem to be seeing things clearly. That's the kind of low thing people saying when they're gaslighting you.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/08/2022 18:44

Say not saying

EKGEMS · 14/08/2022 18:55

What'll happen if your son does or says something actually rude,how will your prince of a partner react, place your son on the guillotine? What a charmer

Kt4343 · 15/08/2022 10:31

So update on this he came back last night eventually after a few told me he didn't love me, we all can't be wrong about me, I'm a liar and he was not in the wrong. I told him I didn't want to talk to him as he was making this into something it wasn't and I felt like because I said he was wrong he's took offence and now needs an argument. He told me he didn't love me and wanted me gone (his boss owns our house) he said he would make sure I was gone. He woke up this morning asked me what time we were going swimming and tried to hug me - I mean WTF! I told him I was quite happy to take all the boys swimming but did not want to spend the day with him now he's gone out taking both sets of car keys so I can't go anywhere - I feel lost

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/08/2022 10:33

He is being abusive. Please speak to woman's aid this is going to escalate.

notapizzaeater · 15/08/2022 10:38

You need to get out, can you phone someone to collect you from the holiday ?

Bunty55 · 15/08/2022 10:41

And stop calling him a stepdad because he is no dad.

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