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Original poster

My partners ex wants to meet me before I meet his 14yr old son

17 replies

tamlamotown · 14/08/2022 15:52

But I find this a little OTT. I could understand it if he was a little kid, but he's a teen. She has also been posting digs about me on social media. Am I being unreasonable to say I don't want to meet her?

I just don't understand what the purpose of it is.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 14/08/2022 15:53

YANBU. She is being ridiculous.

BlueWhaleBay · 14/08/2022 15:54

I agree with you. Totally unreasonable. I would not be entertaining this.

crumpet · 14/08/2022 15:56

How long have you been in the relationship? Are you both expecting that you will be in his son’s life for the long term?

Yes at 14 it’s odd his ex wants to meet you, but in the other hand it’s a good thing if children see that the adults in their lives all get along. It doesn’t mean you all have to be best friends.

Twawmyarse · 14/08/2022 16:01

And what happens if she decides she doesn't like you?

No, she's being silly. The father should wait until you've been dating a while and things are serious before he introduces you to his son but she should back off - and obviously the fact she's been posting nasty stuff on sm doesn't bode well. Why on earth would you want to be vetted by someone who's already made their mind up about you?

I was going to say that if she had just been normal and suggested you all get together for a drink then that would be acceptable but thinking about it, no - I still think that would be really weird!!

ladywithnomanors · 14/08/2022 16:02

How long have you been together? How much do you like DP? I would be running from this relationship unless I was head over heels in love with the guy. It sounds like there’s be too much drama and baggage.

Nadal · 14/08/2022 16:02

And if she takes exception to you? What then?

Nope, not necessary.

Original poster
tamlamotown · 14/08/2022 16:05

Twawmyarse · 14/08/2022 16:01

And what happens if she decides she doesn't like you?

No, she's being silly. The father should wait until you've been dating a while and things are serious before he introduces you to his son but she should back off - and obviously the fact she's been posting nasty stuff on sm doesn't bode well. Why on earth would you want to be vetted by someone who's already made their mind up about you?

I was going to say that if she had just been normal and suggested you all get together for a drink then that would be acceptable but thinking about it, no - I still think that would be really weird!!

We have been dating since February so 6 months, things are going well with the potential to be more serious in the future.

I have no issue with meeting his son but not fussed if it doesn't happen for a while IYSWIM.

I think the same as you, if she doesn't like me then what? It seems silly

OP posts:
PeanutButterOnToad · 14/08/2022 16:06

Absolutely nothing to do with her. When your DP’s son is with him he can make whatever decisions he wants about who his child spends time with. You could be nice and go along with it but if she is making digs at you online why should you.

AlexandriasWindmill · 14/08/2022 16:09

I'd want to meet someone my DS was spending time with ... especially if it was only 6 months in.
That doesn't mean you need to agree with her request.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 14/08/2022 16:09

God no, how controlling. What does your partner say? Hope he's not entertaining the idea, if he is you've got a bigger problem on your hands!

Aprilx · 14/08/2022 16:14

No, I am not going to be interviewed by an ex. It make no logical sense anyway, I mean what happens afterwards, will you get a pass or fail? What happens if it is a fail? If there is no scoring afterwards then what was the point. It’s controlling behaviour.

AlexandriasWindmill · 14/08/2022 16:14

How do you know she's been making digs online?

houseonthehill · 14/08/2022 16:15

Nah. Unless you're keen on the idea, just tell your partner no.

LonginesPrime · 14/08/2022 16:17

I have no issue with meeting his son but not fussed if it doesn't happen for a while

Honestly, it sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama if you're not sure how serious things are yet - I'd probably suggest to DP that you wait a while to meet him if it's going to mean agreeing to be vetted by his ex.

Also, I'd block her on social media if she's already being nasty about you.

LaughingCat · 14/08/2022 16:46

Sounds like she wants a chance at meeting you in person to give you the once over as the new woman in her ex’s life, rather than for any safeguarding reasons (the kid’s 14, for pete’s sake and like pp’s have said, it’s not like she can do anything but make things awkward if she decides she doesn’t like you!). I mean, I would agree to it to keep the peace but I can be a bloody doormat at times.

You say you’re not fussed about when you meet your OH’s DS, and you’ve only been dating 6 months…no point making drama about it now, you and your OH will have that conversation and decide together when the right time is.

Please tell me that you’ll all go for a drink somewhere like some awkwardly hellish comedy skit though 😂

TobyEsterhase · 14/08/2022 17:12

She is being totally unreasonable and I would have expected your partner to have told her this.

There are some people who never psychologically split from an ex.

Stripedbag101 · 14/08/2022 17:12

AlexandriasWindmill · 14/08/2022 16:09

I'd want to meet someone my DS was spending time with ... especially if it was only 6 months in.
That doesn't mean you need to agree with her request.

It does seem odd for a teenager though?

at that age do you insist you meet his parents friends before he goes round to their houses.

also surely in this case each parent has responsibility during their time with the child to vet the adults?

yes it’s nice for the adults to know each other and show the kids they can be civil and mature - but this doesn’t need to happen before the fourteen year old meets his dads girlfriend? And vice versa - the mum is entitled to introduce her son to boyfriends without needing to first vet them through her ex.

I think some people forget the dad is a parent.

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