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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I going crazy?

13 replies

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:21

This will be a long one and pretty outing, but I have no one to talk to in real life.

Been with partner 7 years, we have a two year old.

When I was around 38 weeks pregnant I started receiving texts saying he was cheating etc, I thought it was a couple of old friends who didn't like him trying to cause trouble as it made sense with other things going on back then, so I didn't believe the texts, although it certainly planted a seed.

I ended up becoming friends with this person (she was named in the texts I was being sent) as my partner and hers know each other.

Anyway, I've always had a gut feeling and it's just not fucking going away.

There have been other instances like I sent her a text which I never mentioned to him at all and he brought it up but made out I had told him - I didn't, so how else would he know? Only her.

Not long after I gave birth he went out with friends, in the morning I found a note ripped up he must have written when he came in drunk, I pieced it back together and it was addressed to her (by name only)

Last night I decided to watch their WhatsApp status (actually got the idea from MN) coming online And offline like clockwork one after another, I watched for around 30 mins and every time she came online then went offline he literally came on 1/2 mins later and so on and so forth. That can't just be a fucking coincidence can it?

I'm heartbroken, but uplifting if together for my wee one.

He is obviously denying it but I've ignored him messages and calls from last night and haven't heard from him at all today.

I'm not going crazy am I? That can't just be a fucking coincidence?

Sorry if it's a bit incoherent, I actually feel ill, can't think straight and can't stop shaking.

OP posts:
backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:23

But holding it together for my wee one*

OP posts:
Pandapop101 · 14/08/2022 14:31

It’s really hard to say and in your position I would be suspicious.
If you have talked to him and he has denied it you have two choices, draw a line under it and believe him or walk away as you deserve better.
if it’s true and he is denying it when asked that would be it for me, if he wants to come clean then it would be up to you if you want to try and work in the relationship or leave.
Living with it hanging over you and mistrusting Is no way to live.

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:44

Yes I've brought it up a couple of times, and he has strongly denied he's done anything wrong.

After watching WhatsApp last night I pretty much took this as my 'proof' and text him stating my thoughts and that I don't believe him, we talked briefly but I didn't answer any of his calls or texts after that conversation.

Anyway you're right, either way I can't live like this as it's torture on the mind, I am letting him go as I think I'll always be suspicious and that's obviously not fair on him either if he's telling the truth.

Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 14/08/2022 14:49

I don’t think he is telling the truth sorry. I think you are right, I think the WhatsApp activity is strong evidence and I think the messages were truthful.

Do you not live together? I am a bit puzzled as to why you texted him after observing this WhatsApp activity?

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:51

Not currently - he moved back in with his dad a couple of months ago due to other issues, although we were still a couple/family he just went back to his dads at night to sleep and pretty much everything else remained the same.

OP posts:
Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 14:56

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:51

Not currently - he moved back in with his dad a couple of months ago due to other issues, although we were still a couple/family he just went back to his dads at night to sleep and pretty much everything else remained the same.

Is it not already pretty much over?

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:58

No?

We were both very clear we still loved each other and wanted to stay in the relationship and make it work, hence the moving out to sort out our individual issues then he'd move back in.

He didn't want to leave, I told him he needed to.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 14/08/2022 14:59

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:51

Not currently - he moved back in with his dad a couple of months ago due to other issues, although we were still a couple/family he just went back to his dads at night to sleep and pretty much everything else remained the same.

I think he has left you without having the decency to actually tell you. 😢.

BongoJim · 14/08/2022 15:01

If he knows things you only told her the they are obviously in contact. What did the note actually say that you found ripped up?

Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 15:12

backafyaspookybitch · 14/08/2022 14:58

No?

We were both very clear we still loved each other and wanted to stay in the relationship and make it work, hence the moving out to sort out our individual issues then he'd move back in.

He didn't want to leave, I told him he needed to.

Hmmm. Ok how big a fight did he put up? Becayse it does look like he may well be in another relationship and it would seem he has left you and neglected to tell you. What were th issues that meant you could not live as a family any more?

Pandapop101 · 14/08/2022 15:18

Sorry you are going through this, stay strong and you will get through it.

you defiantly deserve better 😘

vincettenoir · 14/08/2022 15:18

I’m very sorry, this sounds very distressing. You’re not going mad. All the best going forwards

MsDogLady · 15/08/2022 01:11

Your P is lying.

*You were informed via texts during pregnancy that he was cheating with OW.
*He lied that you’d mentioned your text to OW, when only she could’ve told him.
*He wrote and tore up a note to OW.
*Their current WhatsApp usage is in sync.

OP, it sounds like they’ve been making mugs of you and her P for 2+ years. You’ve given him opportunities to respect you enough to come clean, to no avail. Trying to “make it work” is futile because of his dishonesty and faithless behavior which are robbing your peace of mind. You and your child deserve much better. Flowers

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