Long term relationship…but Is this normal?!

[Seleh]

My boyfriend’s mate moved across country years ago And once a year for a week his friend comes to stay at the house we both share.
now I understand he only sees his friend once a year but is it normal my boyfriend prepares me his friend is staying like he’s the one going away for a week?
what I mean is….he “makes half hour a day to see me” and the rest of the time they hang out gaming with no interaction with me whatsoever? Or barely if it’s crossing paths as they go out to grab snacks or do an activity with a few other mates? This will be the fifth year he’s been down and the same thing happens, they sit gaming most of the day in a room
they are in their 30’s btw
im I being over dramatic about this situation and just let it go or is this not normal?
this is the first long term relationship I’ve been in and I’ve had a few issues in the past with my boyfriend for the general lack of interaction with basically any of his friends (I’ve yet to meet them, but now if he does occasionally ask I say no due to feeling anxious as to why he never wanted me to)

if it's just for a week i'd let it go
to be honest i would probably do the same if i only seen them once a year

I wouldn't be bothered at all. It's a man cave gaming bonding thing. Women are barred.

It sounds a bit intense. Why does he want to shut you out? If it’s he’s icing you, then that’s not ok. If he’s just totally absorbed with his friend then it’s only for a week, and he loving and attentive the rest of the time I would use it as an excuse to see all my friends and do things he hates.

It’s very immature and selfish of him/them but if it really is just this for only one week a year then maybe let it go. Especially since he recognises he is ignoring you and makes the effort for half an hour a day (he is aware he is being a jerk).

however, I suspect there is a bit more to it… you’ve been together 5 years but don’t know his other friends? Big red flag there…?

what is your normal relationship like, when it’s just the two of you?

Do you all eat meals together? Can you suggest you all spend an evening together, doing something else? Or do they both see this as a ‘Boys Gaming week’ ? (think of a Girls Spa/Pamper/Yoga retreat - but cheaper than going to a hotel)

If you lived separately it'd be fine but house share so does he banish you?

I do get that completely, so I leave them alone, I don’t know maybe I find it a bit rude just the general acknowledgement I’m here from the guest who I’ve barely had 5 conversations with ever, I’m doing my own dinner and they have takeaways, but also the general house itself, I feel like their mother 😂 I’ve worked 40 hours and cleaning at 10pm at night to catch up with bits because my boyfriend says he’s on holiday, he hung the washing out and made the bed but that’s about it
maybe I am being a bit dramatic but I just feel a little alienated out of his general life when it comes to friends etc maybe that’s why 🤦‍♀️

To be honest he’s iced me out since the beginning of our relationship it’s been a big topic in arguments as well as other things but he told me the other month that maybe “maybe” but he’s not sure ..that he wasn’t that serious with me..up until a couple years ago..FYI moved in Jan 2018 😒

That’s really bizarre behaviour from a man in his 30s tbh. I’d expect to socialise a bit together, sit round the table and chat, go out eat and then sort of leave them to it after a point. But not the whole time.

and “man caves” above PP. Don’t start me. Women with or without kids rarely get to opt out of life for large periods on gaming binges. Etc. He sounds v immature.

Sorry so it's not a house share but just the two of you and he's expecting you to clean up after him so he can ignore you all week?

Never NEVER ate meals together ..they just get snacks and takeaway so I haven’t bothered offering at all this year
i tried cooking last year one day, he didn’t eat it
(my cooking is not bad at all by the way) 😂🤣

Well he has gaming night anyway and n general but this whole week it’s just been gaming or out
theres none of that, I was at work today and my manager asked how it’s been and I said no interaction really…I’m not asking to spend all day everyday with them I couldn’t deal with that anyway but it’s just the lack of let’s eat a takeaway have a drink or something ever for just a night or go out to dinner, their other friend came round tonight and they suggest going out for a meal together…I was asked what I was having for dinner …just feels very lonely long term I guess ..I become more of a lodger/or mother then girlfriend

The further comments you make sound more concerning that the initial post.

Gaming for a week with a friend, although unusual, doesn’t seem like a big deal. However treating you with a general lack of respect is a big big deal. So he orders take away a bit doesn’t ask you if you want one with them? He doesn’t clear up the whole week? Ridiculous!

Not normal at all; it's bizarre and very rude. It sounds very immature, though tbh I can't imagine my boyfriends from when I was younger behaving like this. He sounds like a twat. Sorry, OP!

Stop doing the housework!!! I would understand him not doing it if he’s actually gone away for a week, but really?! If you’re off work for a week would you not do any housework? Of course not as you’re living there and creating the mess. They sound childish. I know it’s only a week a year, but I’d find that very disrespectful. It’s fine for them to hang out without you, but surely you could all have at least one meal together. If I were you, I would go away for the week he’s down. Well, if I were you I wouldn’t be living with someone who would treat me like that…

I don't think "normal or not normal" matters. How do YOU feel about it? My Dh had friends who used to visit and stay but I wasn't cut out...I would find much of what they did boring so I would go off and do my own thing and leave them nattering over wine if I wanted to go to bed but that was totally my choice and we would eat together and do stuff together too. I wouldn;t want to feel like a third wheel or a skivvy in my own home.

I’ve already planned next year to make sure Im away 👍 wether some find that over dramatic I don’t feel very welcome even when o get home from work
he also expected me last year to book the week off myself because they will be loud and I work very early shifts
I flat out said no obviously 🙄
but I agree with other I should take the time to spend with my friends etc but they have lives too so I can’t take over for a week while they work have kids etc

Is he really the one you want to share your life with? Does having him in your life, your bed, your home make your life better? Is your life always better for having him around?

It doesn't sound much like it.

The more you wrote, the more sad and frustrated you sound. It sounds like he treats you horribly when his friend is here and it’s not clear why he would do that. So I guess you need to work out if it’s acceptable to you in the bigger picture.