I want a boyfriend

[Coffeebear]

I’m 34 and I’ve been single my whole life, other than a 6 month relationship a few years ago. I don’t really know why - I’m not beautiful by any means but I don’t think I’m completely hideous either. Maybe it’s my personality and there’s something about me that men don’t like, but I don’t know what it is so I don’t know how to change it.
I’ve done dating apps on and off for years and nothing has ever really developed beyond a couple of dates. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I’m so lonely, and wanting someone to love and spend time with.
This week one of my friends got engaged, and another is buying a house with her boyfriend so today I’m really feeling it. I don’t want to be on my own forever but I feel like there must be something terrible about me for nobody to want me.

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to get from this, I just needed somewhere to express how I feel.

Don’t give up, OP. Have you asked close friends if they have male friends you might get on with? I presume you’ve tried joining groups and classes to meet new people. Dating apps don’t suit everyone.

I’ve met several people who met their partners through dating agencies. You have to pay a fee but the reputable ones do seem to find men who are serious about relationships.

I'm sorry OP.
There's nothing wrong with you, we all have different issues and insecurities.

What happened in the six month relationship? What tends to happen when you have a few dates with someone? Do you lose interest or do you find the other person does? Do you think any close friends would be able to give you advice?

I think you possibly need to work on your confidence in general, aside from dating. This would make you happier and probably more attractive and emotionally resilient too. Have you ever considered counselling or therapy to talk about your feelings about relationships/yourself?
I'd also recommend doing lots, eg sports, seeing friends. And if you already do that, add something else new to the mix.

There are still dating agencies that set you up with others. Maybe google one local to you?

Thank you all for the advice :)

@Cyberworrier the six month relationship ended because he cheated on me - maybe I do need some kind of therapy/counselling to deal with the feelings that left me with.
Generally after a few dates it’s the other person who loses interest - I’ve had more “you’re a lovely person but I don’t feel that spark with you” messages than I can count.

It’s very rare there is something wrong with you and even if there was it’s still rare for that to be the reason you haven’t found someone as horrible/nasty/argumentative people still get into relationships, so it’s never a particular factor, it’s more likely that so far you’ve just been unlucky, that’s all.

To be honest I imagine now a days the dating scene is a numbers game, so that makes it even more unlikely it’s actually you.

You just have to keep going I guess, you NEVER know what’s around the corner either, one day you could just be in the right place at the right time!

You're getting dates so you must be doing something right. I don't mean to be rude OP but maybe you need to just be OK with being single. I understand the loneliness aspect but you need to be really OK with yourself and totally fine with being on your own before anything else. There something about energy and if you're feeling Desperate/lonely/clingy/whatever that oozes out. Do some confidence building and you'll see a change.

Remember that most people in relationships aren't as happy as they look and are making huge personal sacrifices to maintain these relationships.

As for dating tips, do you maybe exude more of a friend zone vibe rather than being sexual?

I am
35

Tried OLD
Paid 6k for dating agency
Tried speed dating

Feel the same aa you OP
You are not alone
And I attended a wedding alone last night
Was the only single person there
It was horrific

Ilovemycat1 what was your experience of the dating agency and the people they found for you?

I seen the same guys on Hinge
One was an alcoholic
One was just divorced
Another had severe mental health issues

I asked to leave the agency
I did not get a refund after 12 months of run around

I checked online and they had very bad reviews
I cannot mention which dating agency it is as I have signed a NDA

One of my friends advice for dating for me was 'stop being so successful and nice'

@Ilovemycat1 hahah I’ve had very similar comments from friends over the years! Maybe I should try being a complete b*tch and give up my career, maybe the men will then come flocking to my door!

i also hate all the usual statement you see online like ‘it will happen when you least expect it (what, when I’m 75?) or ‘learn to love yourself first’ (I am very content and confident with who and what I am so I don’t need to love myself anymore 🤣) or the ‘work on yourself and your confidence’ (I am a very confident bubbly person and I definitely don’t have a lack of confidence in myself!)

or are we saying that all women are in relationships just cos they are confident, love themselves etc etc 🤣🤣 (which we clearly know it most definitely isn’t that way!)

I own my own home, I have two grown up kids (so it’s not like I’m expecting a man to be a step dad to small kids), I have a successful career and am financially stable. Im pretty attractive, confident, smart, good conversationalist, great friends, family etc. i am also very very priviledged to be very emotionally stable. i know I’m a good catch (of course I have flaws, but none of which would be show stoppers lol)

I just give up 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@Sellie555

You are preaching to the converted

I bought a book 'calling in the one' which is meant to help you call in a partner
All self love and reflection

I know friends who were single 5 mins to a week before meeting the 'love of their life' and I do not see how they had done all the work I do to 'love myself'. One was single for two weeks and her only hobbies in that time was Bumble and calling me suicidal until she met her man and I was dumped. She had the audiacity to suggest I should get a hobby. been single 2 years after a pantomime of a relationship with a guy from a dating app who was cheating on me from the get go.

It’s crap isn’t it! I hear ya!

the other classic… ‘you’re being too fussy, you need to compromise’ 🤦‍♀️

I could literally have written this myself. I thought I had found someone lovely but he was a complete tool. I've done everything, done all the work on myself. Am successful , confident and happy but still no joy. I'm not going to give up yet but it's incredibly hard work.

Don't give up, and far more importantly, never lower your standards just to be with a man.