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Relationships

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Can people change?

4 replies

Loveee · 13/08/2022 10:34

My ex and I had a number of issues, where both of us had our faults. He had anger management issues (especially when driving), he usually only wanted to go to the cinema or for food locally (and it was me who had to suggest or organise things to do, otherwise we would have just stayed home). He never liked cuddling or holding hands, never celebrated our anniversary and disliked Valentine’s Day. He also lasted ages in bed (like an hour) which I personally found too long, but he said this was normal for him. Despite both of our faults, we were together for 6 years and had a home together, so obviously we also had our good moments.

He’s now moved on quickly (2 months after we last had contact) and I know he is taking his new girlfriend to the cinema and for food, and they’re basically living together. I’m still in love with him and can’t stop thinking about him. The thought of them together makes me feel ill. I’m scared that he’s ‘righted his wrongs’ because I know that I’ve worked on my issues, and we could be great together if he has done the same.

Do you think it‘s possible that he has changed with this new girl?

OP posts:
MeredithButton · 13/08/2022 10:36

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category12 · 13/08/2022 10:39

When you started your relationship, did he do absolutely none of things, never go on a date, never show affection?

If so, you need to ask yourself why you got into the relationship in the first place - why your expectations were so low.

If not, then he's just doing with this woman, what he did with you, courting her until he feels he's "got" her and then he'll revert.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/08/2022 10:39

He is a walking red flag.

He has not changed and he’s basically love bombing her similarly as to how he did with you.

it may well be that you are confusing love here with codependency.

Cheminaufaules · 13/08/2022 10:53

Agree with @category12 - he will revert.

He's putting in the effort now and it's interesting how it's related to the things that were deficient in your relationship with him.

The change will not be permanent as he sounds selfish and self-centred.

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