Sorry if this is long. I'm so confused.
I have been married for about 15 years and have 2 boys, 8 and 13 years old. I don't like my husbsnds attitude and we have grown apart with little on common. Thing is, I don't know if it's an abusive relationship, or just lacking in respect (likely mutual)
Since meeting I have trained as a nurse, become a mother, travelled around Australia....I feel I have evolved a lot.
I have always worked full time, even since the boys came along. Thinking the cost of childcare outweighs what my husband could earn. I earn well above minimum wage and have been led to believe more than what he could earn as a plumber (his trade) He hatches the odd scheme, "goes into small business" with his family, they argue, he tells them they all know nothing and are cluelesd and that's the end of that. I've never known him hold have a consistsnt a full time job. He doesn't want to work for anybody else, needs to do his own thing and claims I hold him back with my jealousy?
He often argues with family, tells his family they are wrong, stupid, idiots etc. He'll call his parents and moan about his sister, being quite derogatory and swearing. Jusg tonight he called her a f*** wench and wished her dead. He always knows better than everyone else and will say so.
When I question him or get angry or upset he has asked me if I have ever been sectioned as I'm crazy, it was a genuine question too, he meant it.
For years I have begged for attention and affection, but he says I have to earn it. We have been intimate once in the last year as I don't feel able to without feeling wanted/receiving affection. He has called me frigid on more than one occasion.
His default setting is shouting. If the boys do the slightest thing wrong he shouts and has called them stupid. As far as I know he has never layed hands on them, and I honestly don't think he would. I think my youngest gets scared when he shouts though.
He has slammed things about and kicked bins, cupboards etc in the past.
I have asked him to leave a few times, he refuses. He says nobody else would ever put up with me and the kids will see me for who I am. He says I risk losing them.
In the past he has spoken to women on the internet, but never anything physical, as far as I know. He has goaded me to hit him, saying he can see in my eyes that I want to.
His attitude is that he doesn't need friends, and I think he's likely very unhappy in himself. But he believes everyone is jealous of him.
He rarely does things with kids, he never goes anywhere and gets up at 10 or later on my days off work.
I can't stand him touching me, and believe we're pretty much dead in the water. I've been told by friends I'm a mug for putting up with him.
He shouts about family in front of the kids when he visits his parents and I'm in no doubt I'll be on the receiving end of this if I end it. He'll poison the kids against me.
As I've been looking at separation I've noted that our savings are in his name only (I'm the earner) and our cars are in his mums name. Very naive and silly of me, I know.
We havent had a blazing row for a while , likely because I stopped caring. So, as far as he's concerned we're all fine and he's been pleasant.
Whilst I understand he may be frustrated, this can't be normal attitude to life? There is an obvious lack of respect, but is this abusive? He says not