Marriage breakdown and eowe parenting

[validusernameplease]

Help me cope with this 'every other weekend' parenting. Up until now I've done pretty much everything for my two boys. Now I have to let my stbxh play dad of the year, having given zero f*cks up until now! I'm in temp accommodation and it's grim, how do I keep busy.

aw, I feel for you.
My advice would be to do a course/online learning to boost your
earning potential/job opportunities.
Accept what is - you still have the most imput/influence on them and they do see through the Disney dad (eventually)
Treat yourself, maybe get a face mask & have a long leisurely bath & remember
lots of mothers would crave for a weekend off!
I realise it's not easy (I've been through it myself)
Try not to think too much & learn to be your own best friend 🌻

Thank you for responding @Sammz21 much appreciated. I have a job and work remotely and have recently asked to increase my hours to give me more of a distraction. I just don't trust him if I'm honest, I think he'll try and turn this situation around to make himself the better parent. I've already be accused of mentally abusing him which is laughable given what he's done to me. Apparently that's quite textbook in these situations. I just want to take my boys and run far away but I can't.

Do you have a good lawyer/support group or family support worker?
ps feel free to dm me if you'd like :)

If you were primary carer, how come he's got the house and the kids? I think you need to focus on getting proper accommodation sorted and then looking at the kids coming back to you
How old are they? Who would they choose to live with?

I do have a support person I'm talking with, I am the primary carer but staying at the house isn't an option as it's also his work location and I want a clean break away. The temp accommodation is hopefully for a short while 🙏

I would just be careful as if this living situation becomes the 'norm', it will then more likely become the permanent one regarding the children,
Can your stbxh work elsewhere & you move back in, or share the temporary accommodation? ie he uses it when you stay at the house & vice versa
I think you've made it too easy for him to have the control tbh
I can see you wanted a reprive from the situation in the short term, but imho get some legal advice for longterm 💐

How short term is short term?
Do you mean that you are getting eow and stbxh is getting all the week? Please don't accept that.
Agree you need some advice quickly. Has ex been abusive? Google FLOWS if he has to access legal support quickly.

Are you claiming the cb despite them only being with you eow?

@SleepingStandingUp I claim CB, father is eow .. very quick to judge there.

It is agreed verbally exh will have them eow. I've never been away from my children hence me being very apprehensive and his knowledge of their needs is very little! Never been a hands on kind of dad and yes controlling and abusive towards me. I would never stop him from seeing the children but I suspect his desire to do so will soon wear thin.

What precisely an i jusging you about?

You said you're struggling with every other week parenting but your the primary carer but youre living in temporary accommodation. So i asked if youre claiming CB because if they're with him all week and he's claiming CB you wont be considered primary carer which will affect your housing options..if you are claiming CB then you need to make sure you keep claiming it so you get rehoused with adequate bedrooms and you can get your kids back with you.

You've just now said DAD is eow which changes matters but you said that after i asked

I'm really not up for being battered, we've been placed in temp accommodation. The children are with him this weekend. It's all very hard, temp accommodation is grim and I'm about as low as I could go right now but I took these steps to remove myself from a very toxic long drawn out marriage. Hopefully this temporary situation will be solved soon - I'm assured it will be by the support worker. It's just so hard right now seeing the wood through the trees so to speak. Honestly I just wanted to have a hand hold and sound off, clearly not without the full facts and massive shit show of a story. I'm finding it hard to absorb, I really don't know how I'll cope tonight being without them but hey i'll suck it up and remember why I chose this path. Never did I marry to end up like this, no doubt like so many others. Sorry I'm just feeling awful right now. I'll stay off these boards, it's not helping. 😞

No one is battering you

You have the impression he'd got full custody atm and you'd got eow.

All the advice inc asking about CB was aimed at making sure you get the kids back with you

No one has had a go at you