Goes round and round in my head

[WhyI]

I really don't know what's going on with me and my feelings.
I expect my relationship to fail in years to come not really myself at the moment. I feel so insecure and do feel very vulnerable. But my DP is shocking me each day like I got him wrong. He does love me which I feel deep down he doesn't.

Then I lay in bed think of the day I find out he cheated. It's like I create some mad stuff in my head and this guy I know whom I been having feelings comes tells me he loves me and we be together. It's been going on awhile.

I know it will never happen with this person but in a bit of situation now and thinking of if something goes wrong my dp and I will be on the rocks he will be there.

I do know that none of this is real me and that person is just a friend. This week had this person that's just a friend's and another whom also a friend get so concerned at something I posted. I said I am fine can't tell them what's the matter at the moment.

Then off again thinking of this situation I am I going wrong. My DP not there one of these friends coming to rescue more so the one person.
Constant thinking I will be crying on his shoulder and use doing something we shouldn't.

I do think I want this to escape this situation I am in as it's totally changed.

I will lay down now thinking of this friend and go off in fantasy land. Like the other day I like thought of my DP and I splitting up and I have this friend comforting me and then years down the line we have 2 kids together. Sounds absolutely crazy. I thought I got over thinking a man going to come to my rescue. I know I am better alone if this doesn't work out with my DP.

The stressful situation has got me mental I know.
As confused as I am distancing myself to this friend. I don't feel my DP been reassuring enough.

Has anyone felt like this?

Yes. It’s escapism for a life you’re not really happy with but you’re not ready to confront/tackle or even truly, properly acknowledge yet.

If you can, speak to a therapist to help unpick the spiraling fantasy thoughts and gain some clarity on what actually is unsettling you.

@DatingDinosaur
The path that my DP is on never thought we be on. I should be happy but still think one day he will leave me. Then each day seems like we are getting closer. This big change when I thought we never get here too.
I really don't feel right in my head and I got to lose this friend by thinking this way. We are just friends.
I got off in fantasy land and I suppose I use this friend but actually before that. I always use to say if we break up and create a scene in my head. Sitting on a beach in a hot country after my break up with DP. I think about meeting someone else and they being everything I dreamt of..They love me more than I love them.
I really should be happy but in this confused stare thinking what should be happy time for me and DP will end in badly.
I have always put a plan b in place if this goes wrong. Each day he changing growing closer to me.
I want this stress I am going through to stop.

I think some counselling will help you work through these feelings

It's crazy because my OH just seems so selfish. To escape going off in fantasy land helps me get through what I am going through.
Yesterday I contacted this male friend and feel stupid today. I don't feel any man other than my OH should be near me. Especially this male friend I been confused about for a while. I felt so desperate and need to talk to someone and I reached out to him.
I don't want my fantasy of him to be real soon. Make a stupid decision.
I don't want an affair and I just feel I need to distant myself.
I honestly don't want to ruin our friendship.
My OH doesn't know how low I am feeling. I doubt he understand it.
I feel I will resent him for being busy when I will need him.
I do think of this friend and I a lot being more than friends. I hate thinking of him each day.
I still lay down go off thinking of all different scenarios. It's scares me I have become so dependant on a man that's not my OH.

I just need someone there at the moment and it's this friend I want there. But then again he is a man and don't think he get it either.
I don't know what I expect him to do..

I suppose I miss this friend but had to keep backing away from him because I had strong feelings for him. But he could be anyone because I want to escape my pain. He is the last person I need to have near me. I think he wants to meet up.
Not in a good place and feel very weak.

I just feel so alone in this and want to run away and can't.