I finished a 20 year relationship at the end of last year for a variety of reasons, and over that time I've thought about things that happened, mainly good to start with but then later when things weren't brilliant. Every time we argued, he asked for my engagement ring back, so eventually I handed it back to him without any argument having preceded it and told him to keep it as I didn't want that over my head. We had a lot of good conversations and he was good company, but also he was grumpy a lot of the time. I've looked back and thought a lot about things that really weren't as good as I thought they were.
I completely went off the idea of having sex, completely lost my mojo. However as I thought "this is what you do in relationships" I did it, got on with it. Not to shut him up but because I knew that was what he wanted.
We didn't live together but stayed over quite a lot and he expected sex every time. Once he took me out for a birthday meal, and I was very tired (it was midweek and I had been working and was working the next day) and I didn't want sex. He sulked and said "but it's your birthday" - yes, mine, not his! Same with Valentine's Day. So I stopped celebrating it and stopped seeing him on my birthday itself.
He would be very grumpy and arsey when I didn't want it. He would wake me up in the morning by groping and when you're not even awake properly that is horrendous. I have fibromyalgia and often wake in pain. He knew I was stressed about getting ready for work, getting out on time, and even if I gave in, then had a shower and came back in the bedroom to get dressed, he would be pressuring me again and I felt guilty - I didn't give in, but it wrecked my day.
He had a lot of good points, but a few streaks I didn't like, too. I'm possibly trying to reevaluate the whole relationship and wondering why I stayed in it for so long. I always thought he was a good, decent guy when I got involved romantically with him (had known as part of a friendship group for some time by then) but now I'm evaluating my own judgement.
Anyway my question is - was that sexual assault? Groping in the morning, putting my hand on his Willy? I told myself I was in a relationship with him, and sex belongs in a relationship. When my old cat died years ago I was distraught and when he came round, he started putting his hand up my jumper. I went crazy and he said he thought it would take my mind off it. He did apologise for being insensitive, though it was way off beam for me.
That isn't the only reason I dumped him, but it led up to it.