Been together for 15 years, married for 5. 2 DS’s together. Grew up together basically and have been with him almost as long as I haven’t so really can’t imagine life without him
He has been unfaithful once in the past, which was online stuff (photos, messages, wanting to meet up with someone, saying how he didn’t think I was the one etc) and I have never really forgiven him or gotten over the shock of finding the messages totally unexpectedly at a time when I thought we were very happy.
talked at length about it since, he did seem to completely regret it all but I must say I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust him now.
He was full of love from them on, seemed fully committed and we decided to try and move on and ended up getting married and having 2 DCs.
I ignored a gut feeling of mine that it was the wrong thing to do because, in all honestly, I didn’t think anyone else would want me.
We clash enormously now and bicker almost every day. We are both exhausted from working and raising 2 small children. We get almost no time out as support is seriously lacking from friends and family and tbh, just don’t trust an unknown babysitter! So never get time alone or “time off” together
We don’t seem to see eye-to-eye on anything and while he does more than his fair share of night-feeds/bedtimes and early mornings, I am expected to pick up all of the housework/shopping/cooking plus childcare all week
I tense up when he’s around and I find the idea of intimacy with him repulsive. We live in a flat and I have been exposed to his toileting habits too often which only makes it worse.
he has an irritating habit of constantly asking me If I’m ok in a winey voice which puts me on edge instantly, even if I was fine. He is constantly defensive and coming back at me with a million reasons why he hasn’t done something when I don’t care. I just need it done. He responds to any request of mine as if I am hopping mad “ok,ok yes that fine. Calm.” Even if I’m asking really niceties drives me bonkers. He can’t find anything, gets stressed and gets in a hump and a flap if something isn’t right in front of his face so I always have to have one eye on what I’ve asked him to do or I might as well just do it myself.
His clinginess/neediness is driving me to the ground and sucking me dry along with 2 little children who need my full attention too.
yes I can be short tempered with him, I am by no means a saint but I think he could be a bit more responsible and open to talking to me about things. He so closed off to it all suggestions. We’ve had the same conversations for years about things and nothing ever changes
there isn’t an answer on here and I’m just on a bit of a rant - I don’t have a real life outlet so this really helps.
basically, is this normal stress/mundane life of small children that will ease as we get a bit more freedom? can we come back from this?
or is this my life now ☹️