Feel entirely alone

[HappinesDependsOnYou]

Separated from husband after he had an affair and mental health issues. This is first weekend without my child and had made plans with a friend. They bailed on my just now for other plans and I'm feeling so unbelievably alone and low. All my other friends have young children or children on the way so I have no one else to go out with and I'm just surrounded by happy people whilst my world has fallen apart and become oh so small

Thats really hard op. What do you enjoy. I meet a few walking. I met 1 for coffee this week. So it can lead to a few social things. I learnt hard way have a few interests

Sorry to be the bearer of shit news but you need to grow a pair and get used to a different kind of life. Not having a partner and that spontaneity and 'always someone to do something with/talk to' will be hard at first. On your child free weekends try and have an activity just for yourself which you can fall back on on case others bail on you. In time, this will become your new norm.

I know I need to grow a pair but it just really hurt bing let down 24 hours before with a crap excuse on my first weekend away from my toddler. I'm just finding it tough and came on here to say it so I didn't guilt trip the person that bailed on me. If she had let me down a few days ago I could have planned something where as now I'm scrambling round trying to find something else to do so I don't wallow on the fact I was suppose to be having a nice adult night out. I've learnt quickly to have a back up plan! It doesn't help I have no family around me and even then there is no divorce in my immediate family so don't feel I have anyone that understands

What was the crappy excuse?

They forgot they had other plans. I know for a fact this isn't true based on when we planned it, what they are like and how they delayed telling me. I know her partner has intervened and stopped her going

I’m further down the line than you are but totally bet where you are coming from.
Last weekend as I’m skint, was spent in my pjs watching crappy tv all weekend which just made me feel even worse!! When I first left my ex I made lots of plans to fill my time but I also joined a gym and took up yoga once a week.

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. Try and turn the fact you are alone on its head and try and embrace your alone time. Pamper yourself, read a book, paint your nails etc. use it as a time to get to know yourself and do the things you like without the kids around and have some ME TIME.
It won't always be this way. Also see if anyone else can hang out and not this usual flake of a friend that always cancels on you.
Hope you feel better soon

Thank you for the support. It's such a lonely time. I have some other plans across the weekend so it won't be a total wash out although it's with my friends with young babies/pregnant and as much as I'm excited for them it's hard. I think a pamper night might be a good idea. just looked at going to the cinema but not sure I can face it on my own just yet

Not easy op. I hate when people cancel. I found that too people not always free.

I'm so sorry OP. I would feel exactly the same in your situation. You're being so strong. Don't forget this weekend is probably the hardest ever for you, as you aren't used to the 'new normal' yet. Do you have close family nearby? I would echo what other posters have said. Keep busy if you can, especially for these first few weekends when you're likely to be feeling particularly low. Can you look into doing some volunteering? Joining a walking club? A Meet Up group (check out their website). Over lockdown I volunteered to call an elderly person who was isolated (charity is called B Friend) and I was paired with the most wonderful lady! Our chats brightened my lockdown days! Maybe you could try something similar?

I wouldn't necessarily rely on your friend who bailed on you. It sounds like she has form for it anyway. Are there friends who you would totally trust not to bail? Rely on those friends when you can, and only meet up with people who make you feel happier and brighter. I know it sounds simple but it's so important to keep your spirits up. You're doing so well and I'm thinking of you.

Unfortunately I have no family here as they all moved away but do have a great group of friends just that they come with babies in tow which is fine but just a bit sad as I thought we would be having a 2nd around now.

You are so right I do need to see people who make me feel happier and brighter. I have thrown myself into DIY so feeling quite positive having achieved something I wanted to for a while. I have eaten far too much sugar though so I think more self care is needed on weekends like this!

I also signed up to the meet up group and thinking of attending the next weekend I'm alone so I'm not just relying on friends to keep occupied. I don't fancy talking about how my life has crumbled every time I'm alone so will be good to meet new people who don't know

I would try to see it more positive and enjoy your alone time, my kids dad is absent and never sees them, haven’t had a night to myself in 5 years... what I would give!

@Musttryharder2021 bloody hell!

@HappinesDependsOnYou sorry you had to read that. I’m sure you’re capable of ‘growing a pair’ but came here for support on the first weekend alone.

I personally don’t think you need to grow a pair. I think it will slowly take some getting used to. If it was me I think I would do something nice for me for a while like haircut or massage or nails etc if you’re into that, just to get used to those moments where you may be alone so if people do bail then you have your confidence back. I like sitting in coffee shops reading or listening to a podcast. It doesn’t feel lonely when you get used to it.

You sound like you're doing really well, OP. Honestly, it's early days yet. This sort of thing gets much easier with time. I remember after my divorce, a friend came to stay for the weekend and took the Sunday paper with them when they left. I went into a total panic because I just didn't know how to spend the rest of the weekend without having it to read. (This was in the days when shops closed on Sundays!) It takes a while to find ways to fill your time that you enjoy, but you will get there and you will be much happier than you ever were before. Enjoy extending new roots that will eventually see you blossom! X

Thank you for all the support. I am aware many people have it hard with absent dads and that I am greatful his dad is a great dad but that doesn't take away from my experience of feeling lonely. I think I'm still allowed to feel sad on the first weekend without my little one.

I like the comment about spreading roots and in time blossoming and will keep hold of that. I think once I start doing things on my own more I will feel better about it. I've just never been good at sitting in my own company due to childhood issues but it's something I'm working on

reading that back the top bit sounds quite snappy it isn't meant to be it's just a realisation that I can "grow a pair' in time and to be kind on myself this weekend

Urgh I hate the term 'grow a pair' what does it mean? Grow a pair of balls and man up? No thanks!! I get you OP I really do and it is tough going. I have recently split with my stbxh and moved to an another part of the country to be with him, i have two teens and one is off to Uni next month and the other next year (DS rarely leaves his room anyway!). It is hard as I do not have a single friend here nor family. I think I am going to join meetup it is just taking that first step and getting out there I find difficult. You are not alone

Not really the point but it sounds like your friend may be in a problematic relationship if her partner intervened to stop her coming. Sounds like she didn’t want to let you down?

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. You are grieving the life you hoped you'd have, if not the one that he ruined. It takes time and self compassion. It's a shame your friend let you down. Do you have any plans today?

Going through a divorce can be so hard. You have my sympathy. It can feel so strange that everyone's lives carry on whilst yours has completely fallen apart. Can you access some counselling from Relate to help you through this rough time? All the best.

Musttryharder2021

So callous. How would you like MN to make a note of your user name and remind you to grow a pair if you ever post about anything painful?

Oh grow up. We are adults aren't we? If you don't like my post, move on

It is snappy and uncalled for. Some people are unbelievably mean and don’t care how others feel. That comment is not needed for someone like yourself who is finding their situation hard. In my opinion “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all”

they could’ve not commented instead of saying “get some balls”
But luckily not everyone commented like that PP

I'm sorry. It's really shitty when people cancel. It's also horrible when you're in that stage of needing friends, but haven't yet got to the point where you've made new ones. Getting to know someone really well takes ages, and sometimes you just want someone familiar that you don't have to do all the "getting to know you" stuff with. But it will happen, now is the hardest time. You sound really lovely from your posts by the way x

Thank you all. I've reached out to a single parent group and signed up for an event with the meet people app for the next weekend I'm free so feeling a bit more positive. I kept busy doing house bits and feeling proud of what I've achieved in the weekend. Would have enjoyed a night out especially with the weather we have been but can't do anything about that so on to thinking about the things I'm going to do for me and how I can meet some more people to broaden my social circle. Thank you for all the kind words it's helped me focus and not dwell