How do I do it? Help please

[Shesdoneitagain]

Please help I've got myself into a rubbish situation because of my complete inability to choose decent men. I'm currently stuck at my partners house and have been for a week. It's been one of the worst weeks of my life. I won't bore people with the details but I have decided enough enough and he's controlled me for too long. I want to finish it but I'm struggling because a) it's his birthday today and that would be a wanky thing to do and b) his business is in serious trouble and he's going to say I'm leaving because of that (back story I work part time for him.ive tried to stop doing this but he's told me he will finish it if I do). I don't think I can put up with this for much longer. We never leave the house and I am away from home (long distance relationship). He's very aggressive and loud but I don't think he would hurt me. Is there any nice way of doing this? Thank you

You need to leave safely ASAP. Tell someone you know in real life what's happening. Call the police if needed.
There was a woman who was killed in similar situation as you, long distance, staying at his home.

Don't tell him you're leaving either because it can escalate. You don't owe him any niceness or explanation, just get out safely and soon.

How long are you meant to be staying there? Can you make an excuse to leave early and then end it when you get home?

He's controlling and bad tempered but I really don't think he would hurt me. I tried to leave before and he was sobbing so I changed my mind. I don't want to over dramatise things. I can't leave him on his birthday though

Why can't you leave him on his birthday? Is he six? Why stay any longer than you have to with someone who is controlling and bad tempered and probably won't hurt you? Just get out, stop worrying about his feelings

You have two completely non valid excuses to stay. It does not matter that it is his birthday or his business is in trouble.

As females many if us are bred and trained from an early age to be tolerant people pleasers, non confrontational, and to suck up the shit life throws in our general direction.

Some of us buck that trend, some of us fight back. Make your excuses and leave, as safely as possible.

If he were to decide that just shouting at you was not working its a small step between that and assaulting you. Never assume he would not hit you.

His tears last time around were designed to manipulate you into staying and sadly for you it worked. These types turn on the tears as easily as turning on a tap.

What happened to you; how is it that you are in this low point in your life now. How is it you are unable to choose decent men and what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. What parental example were you shown?.

Of course you can leave him on his birthday; this mindset that you cannot also keeps you trapped within this abusive relationship. And you are not over dramatising anything either. You need to leave safely, can you leave him citing "womens problems" to go to Boots or the police station?.

If you go to Boots you need to ask for ANI (this is an acronym for action needed immediately). Their staff will direct you to domestic violence support services.

He's aggressive and controlling but you're still bothered about it being his birthday? Why? Just leave.

Honestly, you don’t owe it to him to be nice. Just walk away and never look back.

Go pack your bags and leave. It is that simple.

You are over thinking and putting all this pressure on yourself about how he will feel but if he was treating you well and considering how you feel, you wouldn't want to leave!

Why spend so much time worrying and angsting over his delicate feelings and reactions when he spends so little on yours? You are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm!

Just go. You can leave him a note if you want to do so but otherwise block him on your phone and leave. You can do this. You were a whole, complete person before him and you can be again now.

Thank you. I'm sneaking around now getting my stuff together

OP, you sound very kind and generous. I hate to say it, but those two good qualities get women into a lot of trouble, including violence. You're worrying about his hurt feelings -- meanwhile, everyone here is worrying about you. Be kind to us and get out of there quickly. And please let us know you're safe.

OP when are/were you due to go home? When you say you tried to leave before was that when you were due to go home anyway or did you try to leave early? Just trying to get a sense of exactly how stuck/trapped you actually are so people can give you the best, and safest, advice.

I'm out

Well done, I bet you feel better for it as well.

Fantastic news. Now block him on everything

Excellent news!

Glad you are out. Now the hard part is staying out and away. Change your number if possible because you know he is going to contact you with theatric behaviour.
Stay safe

Thank you so much for all your help I am home safe now x