Just to give a general background - I had a very abusive childhood, every kind of abuse, every day, from 4 to 15 when I was kicked out. Got straight into a shit relationship, lasted a couple of years, ended with me being pregnant, my child died a few months after birth. Went down a dark path and ended up with a man in his 30s who was abusive in every way. I had a few children in a pretty short space of time with him, had another child who died a couple of weeks after birth.
Managed to get out with the help of WA. I've been a single working parent for quite a few years.
Met a guy, didn't have the best start to the relationship, I thought it was down to external factors. We have been together over 3 years now. Through that time I've suffered from cancer and a subsequent disability, all if this happened throughout covid so everything was very delayed, and scary. He moved in to help out over covid/cancer and has never moved out again.
We have always had problems. Blamed on various things, but over the last couple of weeks I've realised that the situation is abusive again. Emotionally abusive, so not quite as blatant as I'm used to, but it is.
He has done nothing but lie to me, lie about me, insult me behind my back (and to my face), drag me down and generally be awful, and put everything and everyone above me.
Firstly I'm sitting here wondering why the fuck I've allowed this. AGAIN. What have I ever done in my life that has just made me a target, I've tried to be a good person, I've made mistakes, of course, but I've never deliberately been a terrible person.
This sounds stupid as well, but how do I end this, it isn't one incident to argue about, its a slow build up of lots of smaller issues. He never listens when I talk about something being a problem for me so I don't really know what to do.
I've done the freedom programme, which is how I think I've eventually spotted what's going on, but I honestly think I'm done with allowing anyone in my life because it always happens, I always get used and treated like crap.
I'm just done, so very, very done.
All advice welcome, and appreciated.