Please help…I know he still loves her

[Tittle]

I met my boyfriend 7 months ago, I fell for him fairly quickly. We’ve agreed to be exclusive very early on.

He split up with his child’s mother not too long before that but he said all they did was argue and they aren’t right for each other. I was weary but it has been fine so far. Anyway I’ve seen a text exchange between them, I shouldn’t have looked but I could see his screen whilst we were watching a film.

He said to her let’s just focus on being parents. She said is that what you want. He said you’ve made it absolutely clear, you don’t want me. She said something about what he means to her. He said just because he’s not chasing doesn’t mean it’s not love. He then said if this is what love is he would be happy to go without it.

When I saw the messages I was shaking, I said I need to go to bed with a headache. I can’t really make heads or tails of what he’s saying, I can’t confront him as I think he will downplay it. I know I should just move on but right now I just want to lie in bed and cry. He’s downstairs eating food right now. I just needed to talk this out I hope someone awake

I noticed what he wasn’t saying. He wasn’t saying that they should focus on being parents because he is with Tittle now, he was saying they should focus on being parents because she doesn’t want him and she won’t change (whatever that means).

I think he would be back with her a heartbeat if it was an option. I think she doesn’t really want it, but maybe likes to keep him dangling as she is definitely fishing. She is probably not happy that he has met you as she likes him chasing after her.

Whatever it is, it seems that they have unfinished business. You might be better leaving them to it, because I suspect you will be the one getting hurt in the end.

Sounds very similar to my relationship.

I don't think my OH should have even been dating when he met me, very young child and had only recently broken up.

I have had nothing but stress and anxiety caused by his ex and the sh1t show they've carried on with and not being able to communicate as I would expect proper grown-ups co-parenting should.

She constantly messages him declaring her love, begging him back. From what I've briefly seen he doesn't exactly say 'no, I've moved on. co-parenting communications only from now on'.

I kinda wish I'd followed my gut and ended it when I first felt I wasn't comfortable with things. Instead I hoped things would be dealt with more professionally in time. I was very wrong.

I can't give you advice as I don't even follow my own, however you do need to talk to him. He may well downplay it (mine did/does), but if so maybe that'll help give you clarity as to how to proceed.
I really empathise.

Eeeek I would walk away. I could never be with someone who was actively telling another woman “you don’t want me” that would tell me everything.
But that’s just me!

He has not said to her that I am with X (you) now but that he wants to see and co parent the child. My feeling is that as a couple they found it hard going when the baby arrived. Suddenly they had to focus their attention on a baby, were sleep deprived and perhaps your boyfriend felt she could have made more of an effort to keep him happy. From what you saw in that message he wanted her to do things differently or make some changes.
I think now that she has been left with his baby and she knows about you.

I have seen men thinking that life will continue on as before after a baby is born and they leave her carrying the load as much as possible. Then both of them get pissed off, they break up and within a few months he has a new woman on the go.

Your rebound girl here. Now they have spent some time apart perhaps one or both of them have realised that they want to try again to make it work.
I know you and him have been a couple for a few months but if you trusted him you would not have looked at his phone and seen the messages between them. At this stage I would end things between you because I feel that your boyfriend would get back with her if she gave him a chance.

I have a friend who walked away from a similar situation to you in the past.

I know at the time it was not easy for her then and she was upset about how things had turned out. She did not know at the time but it was one of the best things she did for herself.
Certain things came to light about him and my friend knew she dodged a lot of problems by not being involved with him.

My advice is that it hard to be involved with a man that already has a child or children with another woman. The other woman and the child/children are always going to be their.

@LetHimHaveIt not really. Just showing how ridiculous your logic is.

You didn't say sometimes men lie. You suggested it as a default.

Jesus Christ.

No, I didn't. At all.

I pointed out that, in those cases where there is already fairly compelling evidence of infidelity, expecting the man in question to just roll over and admit to it, is naïve.

I think you're right. He's not over her. If you split up they'll be back together in no time.

I think that you’re a placeholder OP. Sorry.

@LetHimHaveIt ermmm that's not what you wrote at all