Partner wouldn't buy me a drink ...should I feel mad?

[aaronbee]

Today me and partner went to the beach.
Now at the minute I'm not doing great with money due to changing jobs.
As we were sat on the beach he said we should have a cocktail
So I said oh yeah that sounds good
We come off the beach and he says "actually not expensive in there"
So we don't go in
He goes in the arcades and then we come out and go in a pub.
I say "il just have a gin"
I come out and he hasn't been to the bar ...he says let's leave not keen.
Let's grab chips and have a drink after.
We finish the chips and he goes "I don't fancy a drink" I said "aww really I fancied a gin"
No comment
Then before I can blink we are on the bus home....

And why are you being such a doormat? Why just do what he says? Why can't you go to the bar or voice or opinions?

I dont know where to start with this except that you sound like you have a bit of a haphazard method of being out and about

Buy your own drink if you want one.

You can’t afford to buy yourself a drink. He obviously can’t either. Therefore, you don’t have a drink.

i suggest if you’re that keen to have a drink you re-budget so you can afford one, or go without.

He's just been paid
I treat him every month
He stays at mine pretty much every night
Today left a sour taste in my mouth tbh

Well now you're drip feeding, and he sounds like a bit of a sponger. Get rid and buy yourself a gin, win win.

Have you not even talked to him about the above then?

To be honest I get a bit irritated at posts moaning about why a partner (and its usually male) hasnt taken the OP out, bought the OP a drink, done this or done that

I dont rely on my partner to do those things for me

He's miserly end it, you'll be financially better off as you won't be subsidising him anymore.

But he didn't buy himself one either right?

I think you need to be more direct.

"I'm thirsty, can you shout me a drink?" and then go to a shop and buy one.

If he doesn't want yo go to the pub and sit drinking and you do i don't think he should have to. Obviously you're free to go but you'd need cash on you. Refusing to buy you any sort of drink whilst he buys his own, esp in this heat, it plain nasty.

And if you're skint because you treat him all the time and he's costing you a fortune in food bad power, change your behaviour and either ask for money towards his costs or stop having him over.

Stop treating him

You’ll have the money to buy your own drinks if you ditch this cocklodger. He contributes nothing to your home while staying almost every night am I right? Never brings food or wine or cleans up after himself?

You are absolutely right to get upset at his behaviour. Now get angry, realise you deserve better and end it.

He does sound a bit of a dick. I wouldn't be impressed with a bloke who wouldn't put his hand in his pocket to buy me a drink if I was broke especially if I subsidised him in many other ways, as it sounds as if you do.

You do sound very passive though. Take control and don't allow yourself to be treated this way

Is he a sponger?
Or is he just more careful with money than you are?

If you treat him every month and end up skint before payday, then are you living beyond your means?

Do you talk about money with each other? Why did you feel you couldn't ask him to shout you a drink?

Did either of you talk to each other about the money situation before you went out?

How long have you been seeing him?

If you feel like generosity only flows one way in the relationship - what's your is his and his is his, probably bin him off. It's unlikely to improve.

Sorry was trying to say "what's yours is his and what's his is his".

I missed the bit where OP said that he eats all her food

And the bit where she said that he bought himself a drink but not her

Why do people make things up?

Deja vu here

Who bought the chips?
Yet another thread where my first thought is 'why didn't you say anything/be more forthright?'.

You don't drink cocktails or gin to quench a thirst!

Does he have a brother @aaronbee?

So you say "you can't even buy me one gin at the beach. Go home". "No really go home you ungrateful fucker"

And mean it.

You can say it calmly and stronger, no crazy witch episode just a basic "go home"

My Mr when we met stayed with me every night after about 3 weeks of meeting. If he wanted me out with him he paid, all announced beforehand. "You buy the rounds then". I was happy to stay in. What he didn't know for 9 months was I had a substantial deposit for property in the bank just limited cash flow. He could afford a mortgage just didn't know how we could get a deposit together, so when I told him "ringfenced money for property", relief, almost impressed I had more restraint than him.

We have been open, equal, honest about money ever since.

Yeah fuck this shit, always at your house doesn't buy you a drink.

Just don't put up with it.
Or do and he'll continue to have his cake and eat it. But that is your choice.

You'll never get a sponger to buy you a gin. It's against everything they stand for.

Just get rid of this freeloading man.

Nothing more unattractive than a tightarse. Get rid.