I was with my DP for just over two years and it was always a bit volatile. We’ve never lived together and have two children each. My children have never had much to do with him and vice versa as we have our children 50/50 with our ex partners. I’ve never wanted to blend families and my ds didn’t like my dp much so I’ve not pushed it. It’s suited us both tbh. We both agreed that trying to bring the children into it would make life very difficult.
90% of the time it was great, great connection, great sex, felt loved and cared for and it was all good.
But once or twice a month he’d sort of suddenly flip and be really nasty. It would happen out of nowhere as far as I could see but later it would transpire that something else had stressed him out - usually work - and the upshot was it would fall onto me. I believe he may have ASD as he finds people and socialising overwhelming and often these flip outs would coincide with him being busy at work or socially. It was like he could only hold it together for so long.
When he’d change he’d be very much the victim and behave like no one else had ever had problems. He never wanted solutions and I learnt that quickly. He’d rant for sometimes two hours at a time and I’d say nothing because I knew whatever I said would be wrong.
usually he’d say we should split up at some point during these rants and then the following day he’d say he didn’t mean it, it was because he was feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I’d go to see him, thinking everything was fine and he’d open the door to me and just walk off. Then he’d start going on about something entirely unrelated to us but it would end up becoming personal.
I have seen him be like it to his children and colleagues too, but I feel I got the brunt.
About two weeks ago it happened again. I’d gone to meet him for dinner and he was arsey and then when we went back to mine it continued. He monologue went on for ages about how hard his life was etc etc and then it became more personal (apparently I don’t appreciate how easy I have it because I find being friendly comes naturally and I get on with people) and it went from there.
I finally reached a point where I could stand it no more and said we should have some time out.
He has tried to be in touch since and tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and I’m finding it hard because I love him too.
He just makes me so anxious. The angry ranting makes me anxious. The not knowing how he’s going to be makes me anxious. The fact he will change from one hour to the next makes me anxious.
I know it can’t work, but I’m so sad about it.
How do I move beyond this, my instinct is to see him. I miss him so much.
Help me be strong.