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Original poster

My sex life is slipping he doesn't see it.

14 replies

blueberry2105 · 11/08/2022 09:11

I'll go back 4yrs ..... I met a man that treated me like I've never been treated before. He was kind and gentle and really felt like he was into me. He got excited about sex and made me feel attractive.

10 months ago we moved in to a place together. Since that things have been slipping. His idea of foreplay now is me giving him a blow job and I'm not even sure he knows that's a form of foreplay. He rarely touches my down stairs with his hands. (I'm not bothered about oral it makes me feel uncomfortable)

When we have sex I give him a blow job and then we put it in. Sometimes not even the blowjob he just comes and pretends to hump me and then we slip it in.

I asked him to do more and he thought I was criticising him. Then I mentioned a vibrator (not a fake Willy just a small vibe) so I could use it while giving him BJ's and he asked why I "needed" one of those.

He rarely cuddles me anymore which when we first started would lead to sex naturally. I just feel like he's got fed up with me.

I'm stuck in a rut of feeling emotional and sometimes if I try initiate sex with him so I have more time to be ready he says he's tired or just doesn't want too.

I'm finding myself being off with him now and when he pretends to hump me I ignore him now. I don't play into it. I'm 32 the actual sex is great I don't have issues he does make the effort there it's just the foreplay and I feel like I'm losing that connection with him.

OP posts:
rattlemehearties · 11/08/2022 09:16

It doesn't sound like the sex is great, sex is the whole occasion if you see what I mean! And what was different 4 years ago? Doesn't sound like much has changed. You're still really young - young enough to leave and move onto someone better. What's keeping you? Do you think he can change?

Watchkeys · 11/08/2022 09:24

So do you feel like he's not going to be able to talk about it?

Original poster
blueberry2105 · 11/08/2022 09:30

I feel like when I talk to him he always sees it as me criticising him. I can't tell him that I would like more intimacy and affection. He claims that I'm the type of girl that would probably like an affair for the excitement. When we first met it was exciting because we didn't live together and we tried to find lots of places to be sexual. We booked hotels etc even the car and sometimes outdoors! Now he says that's all seedy and we never should have done it. I don't want to revisit that but I would like some more excitement other than let's just have sex randomly.

I don't want to leave him as I really love him and he's not doing anything bad to me he's not a bad man. He just doesn't seem to realise as a woman I need more than quick sex.

The more I think about it the more upset I feel we don't kiss as much we don't cuddle as much he doesn't really want to touch me as much. He told me that I've been grumpy recently and he doesn't like it but I really feel trapped and like I'm putting a wall up to protect myself from getting hurt.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 11/08/2022 10:01

I'd suspect a madonna/whore complex. He was fine with your adventurous sexual 'whore' side when you weren't living together, but now you're his live-in partner you're supposed to be the pure, non-sexual 'madonna' and he can't cope with any acknowledgement of you being sexual (doesn't like you to initiate sex, horrified that you might want to use a vibrator).

Saying what you did before was seedy and a mistake and insulting your sexuality and character by saying you're the type to have an affair suggests he is not comfortable with women's sexually.

And the fact that any time you bring up an issue he jumps straight to it being a criticism is concerning. I bet it's not just about sexual issues either. He's withdrawn affection and, accuses you of being grumpy so red flags there too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2022 10:05

He claims that I'm the type of girl that would probably like an affair for the excitement.

WTF. That’s so horrible.

Great post from @Thingsdogetbetter

I know you love him but you’re so young to be settling for this bs. It’s going to trash your self esteem and cause growing resentment.

I’m not sure what about the sex you think is great. It sounds functional, one sided and infrequent.

He sounds judgmental, uptight, selfish and lazy.

You can do better. Give yourself a chance.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 11/08/2022 10:08

he's not doing anything bad to me he's not a bad man. He just doesn't seem to realise as a woman I need more than quick sex

he does realise, he just doesn’t care.

Original poster
blueberry2105 · 11/08/2022 10:21

Thingsdogetbetter · 11/08/2022 10:01

I'd suspect a madonna/whore complex. He was fine with your adventurous sexual 'whore' side when you weren't living together, but now you're his live-in partner you're supposed to be the pure, non-sexual 'madonna' and he can't cope with any acknowledgement of you being sexual (doesn't like you to initiate sex, horrified that you might want to use a vibrator).

Saying what you did before was seedy and a mistake and insulting your sexuality and character by saying you're the type to have an affair suggests he is not comfortable with women's sexually.

And the fact that any time you bring up an issue he jumps straight to it being a criticism is concerning. I bet it's not just about sexual issues either. He's withdrawn affection and, accuses you of being grumpy so red flags there too.

Omg I just googled that and it makes so much sense, maybe that's why he calls women scantily dressed "sluts" I always thought that was weird as fuck.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2022 10:22

Oh god he’s just a plain old gross misogynist OP. Don’t waste your time with someone so pathetic.

GaffNest · 11/08/2022 10:24

Thingsdogetbetter · 11/08/2022 10:01

I'd suspect a madonna/whore complex. He was fine with your adventurous sexual 'whore' side when you weren't living together, but now you're his live-in partner you're supposed to be the pure, non-sexual 'madonna' and he can't cope with any acknowledgement of you being sexual (doesn't like you to initiate sex, horrified that you might want to use a vibrator).

Saying what you did before was seedy and a mistake and insulting your sexuality and character by saying you're the type to have an affair suggests he is not comfortable with women's sexually.

And the fact that any time you bring up an issue he jumps straight to it being a criticism is concerning. I bet it's not just about sexual issues either. He's withdrawn affection and, accuses you of being grumpy so red flags there too.

100% this. It would appear he’s done a U-turn. What an arse.

Christin3 · 11/08/2022 10:28

You've only been together 10 months... I'd honestly end it now. You can find someone lovely. Do not procreate with this man!

Original poster
blueberry2105 · 11/08/2022 10:38

No I've been with him for 4yrs but we only made the decision to live together 10 months ago x

OP posts:
hewouldwouldnthe · 11/08/2022 10:50

Your sex life is shit and he is selfish and won't change. Either you have to accept crap sex or get out.

Justcallmebebes · 11/08/2022 10:50

Honestly OP, so many red flags here and it will get worse. I totally agree with the Madonna/Whore theory in this case

Christin3 · 11/08/2022 13:08

He seems sexist.

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