Issues with Dp or is it me?

[knowliek]

I struggle to communicate my feelings, when i need to i will text him when hes at work as saying it to his face is hard. When i do i have to fight back tears, from the overwhelm.

We have just had a baby, i feel unappreciated, unimportant, neglected, etc.

I am trying to manage everyones mental health, my dd (from previous) who is a pre teen & having major anxieties since new baby, his stress levels as baby is unsettled in the evening which is when hes home from work & tired, as am i. The relationship between him & dd which has changed since baby.

Its alot to deal with mentally. Then the fact that i feel so unattractive, he is often looking at women when were out. Sex is never instigated by him & is only ever about him. He makes no effort whatsoever to make sure im enjoying it too.
I honestly feel like not initiating & seeing how long we go without it, as really im doing it for him/the relationship but whats the point when he doesn't seem fussed.

Saying all that, the fact that i struggle to communicate doesn't help, hes not a mind reader.

I dont know what to do. I cant bring myself to tell him all of this.

He's stressed because his baby is unsettled in the evening? Wtf is he expecting when he gets home? A serenely sleeping baby and a 1950s housewife to greet him at the door?

He sounds like a selfish arse. Complaining about his baby? Shit in bed? Stop initiating sex for a start. Why are you when you don't even enjoy it?

Perhaps you struggle to communicate your feelings because you know they won't be met anyway? He sounds deeply unempathetic.

Also yuck to the staring at other women. So gross.

You don't seem to be struggling to communicate here. Everything you've written is perfectly clear.

Why is it that you struggle to communicate to your husband? Is it perhaps because of the way he reacts? Does he listen with care when you talk about your concerns and look for ways for you to both solve the issue or does he dismiss what you're saying and tell you the real issue is that you're too sensitive/demanding/crazy/obviously can't cope/not attractive to him any more/he's tired and doesn't want to deal with your drama/you need to figure something out because it's not his job to fix you?

It’s him

He sounds like a knob; what is he doing to support you? Why even bother having sex with him if he doesn’t care about you enjoying it? He sounds like a loser

You say you have just had a baby. How old is your baby? Usually doctors would like you to abstain from sex for at least 6 weeks after the birth.

It’s not you, it’s him. He is both selfish and uncaring.

What he is doing here to support you?. Is he favouring his baby over your daughter?.

Are you married to this man?. What is the situation re the finances and property?.

I don’t think you struggle to communicate I think it is that he is not listening and is not supportive.

Complaining that the baby is unsettled in the evening when he gets home from work is quite staggering. In fact he should be taking over when he gets home from work so that you have a break.

I suspect if you felt heard when you talk in person you wouldn't struggle to communicate.

When he gets in from work, throw the baby in his direction and go out with your older dd. No words needed.

Are you treading on eggshells when he gets in from work?

Have you spoken to the HV about how you feel ?
A new baby is a big change for all of you, including your DD, it takes time to settle into a new routine. Plus your DD isn’t going to school at the moment.
You need to take the pressure off yourself. Forget sex for now if he isn’t instigating it. Concentrate on making sure you and the kids are clean and fed, the house is tidy ( because no one wants to live in a shit tip) and you are doing some summer holiday things with DD.

We are a little passed that now so all clear, but even right up until giving birth.

I think a part of it was the attraction thing, like if i have sex with him it may help towards his attraction to me.

Now ive said that, it sounds insane and i probably am kidding myself

What is he doing to support me... working, well that is what i hear from him all the time. He is funding me as im off work, but that deadline is not being forgotten about. Its mentioned alot.

Of course i dont see him working as supporting me, i need the emotional stuff.

It seems to me your scared to communicate your feelings to him solely because you are scared of his response if you do. In all likelihood he'll tell you all sorts of horrible things, which will hurt you, so of course you're scared of that. Or maybe he'll lie - but you'll KNOW what he's saying is lies, and you'll still feel crap.

He's not a nice kind loving man. You have a bigger problem and you know it deep inside, than how you communicate to him.

Guarantee that you don't struggle to communicate with him! It sounds like you've tried to communicate with him many times and he's ignored your concerns or made you feel like you're going mad! I had this with my ex when we had a child together.. he treated me appallingly but it's only now, with a clear head, I can truly appreciate how unsupportive he wAs! He has never apologised for his behaviour and will still have me believe that him leaving was all down to me, not a selfish act from an immature and irresponsible man. Don't doubt yourself... arrange a night away from kids to have a relaxed evening where you can tell him again how you're feeling... if he doesn't respond well, then I suggest you find a way to move on from this selfish man (not as easy as I'm making it sound, I know) x