Can I get back with my ex although he has moved on?

[Loveee]

My ex (29M) and I (26F) were together for 6 years and had a house together for 2 years. We decided to split earlier this year as we argued a lot over stupid things. We both found the break up extremely difficult as we still cared for each other. After around 7 months, my ex moved on to another girl. The heartbreak has been so painful and has made me realise how much I’m still in love with my ex. I wish we’d stayed together and found a solution to our issues. We talked about it and there is a small chance he would consider getting back together (I feel that he wants to but is scared we will return to as we was before).

I know he didn’t cheat on me by moving on as we weren’t together and there was no indication of us getting back together as we was selling the house. But I personally was not ready to sleep with other people, or commit myself to another person. So my question is, if the slim chance of us getting back together happens, should I be concerned that he moved on so quickly? Or is us choosing each other and therefore loving each other all that matters?

Whilst he is considering what to do, I also feel so anxious that he is still seeing the other girl (I assume he is). I don’t have any right to ask or tell him to stop, as getting to know her in comparison to me is needed for him to make a decision, and we’re also not together. Thinking of them together makes me feel so ill and I know they’ll also be on their best behaviour as it’s early days, whereas we went through the good, the bad and the ugly together. I’m worried I’m not going to be good enough by comparison.

What should I do? Wait for a decision or move on myself although I love him?

I don't think 7 months is a short time to move on. You and your ex split for a reason and now he has found someone else.

While you may hanker to go back, he probably does not. Why is the house relevant? Is that part of the attraction of a reconciliation? Do you miss the comfort of being in a couple, and the ability to afford a house together? Where are you living now?

You really should look forward and move on.

So my question is, if the slim chance of us getting back together happens, should I be concerned that he moved on so quickly? Or is us choosing each other and therefore loving each other all that matters

Who do you think decides what you 'should' feel? Who decides what matters to you?

If he's serious about it he wouldn't be seeing this other lady. I'd move on personally. It's over.

He shouldn't be "considering" getting back with you if he's still seeing this other girl. Sounds like he's moved on but just wants to keep his options open.

I have no idea what "choosing each other and therefore loving each other" means, in particular what the word "therefore" is doing in that sentence. Even if he dumps the other girl and gets back with you, that doesn't mean you love each other or your problems have been resolved. It's not "all that matters" because it's meaningless.

You should move on and stop pining, just like he has. And it's time to actually go no contact rather than letting him dangle you on a string.

It seems like he’s moved on. He’s considering it because he was obviously hurt and sad you two split up but also perhaps relieved as you both weren’t arguing anymore. He’s in a new relationship, he may feel you want him back because he’s with someone else.

This is a tough situation, if you really want to be with him, see a future with him and want it all back then it will take time. You shouldn’t rush back into living together but instead should date again. I would potentially start from scratch, not just continue. There were problems that will need addressed but it seems you two need to see it as a fresh start. If this is everything you want then write him a letter and give it to him. Give him time to process- a week/ month and then if you hear nothing back then leave it be.

7 months isn’t too quick to move on, he’s only dating this woman but it’s all new and light hearted right now. He may not have been cheating on you but it’s also not very nice for her that he’s with her but speaking to you about getting back together. If you two get back together then you have to let this short relationship go and not feel anxious or worried about it. Some people find it easier to move on when they around others where as other people find it easier to move on whilst being alone.

7 months, in my opinion, is actually quite a long time. However relative to you it isn't, which is the important thing. He's ready to date again, and you're not. Neither of you are in the same place.

I hate to say it but it sounds like he's keeping his options open. It's possible he's just feeding you a false promise precisely to stop you moving on, so he can come back to you if this new relationship fails. He probably does miss you, and reminisces about the relationship you had, but he obviously isn't as invested in the idea of getting back together as you are, otherwise he wouldn't need to date someone new to figure out what he wants.

So regardless of what he chooses, you're not equally invested in the relationship.

It's not fair that this situation is causing you so much anxiety, after already struggling to move on in this time. I think for the sake of your mental health you need to try to move on, and find someone who'll be as invested in your relationship as you are.

If the other woman posted here saying so my partner is thinking of getting back with his ex. I just have to hang on in there while he makes a decision she'd be told ditch him he's a complete tosser.

The fact that he's even considering it while dating someone else is grim.

He's moved on. It's not exactly a brand new relationship. A few dates. A few months. He pretty much launched himself into his next relationship.

You're considering rekindling something with a man who can comfortably have one relationship whilst considering having a different one.

How will you ever be able to trust him? How will you be sure he's not considering someone else when he's with you?

It sounds like you made the right decision to split up, but now he's moved on (and 7 months isn't that fast) you've decided you want him. So you're messing with his head and offering a relationship to him, just as he's starting to be happy with someone else.

You split up for a reason. That reason would still be there. If you got back together it would only be a matter of time before the same problems arose.

I'd be more concerned that he.has.a.girlfriend!
Why is he talking about getting back with you when he has a gf? What a scumball! What are you entertaining this? Why are your moral standards so low too!?

I and my girlfriend broke up just before we started revising for A-levels - it was partly the stress of exams and a mix of other things including not knowing how the relationship could keep going when we were at different unis and partly because it was a new phase in both our lives - I didn't really want to break up - we'd been going out for several years. Anyway - I went to uni - which I was looking forward to - partly to get away from home - got my head down and enjoyed it. I met a girl there who was in the same position as me - we developed a a close friendship - mainly because we were both sad about splitting up with partners from school - we would would hug each other and lie on the bed together and talk - it was comforting but nothing ever happened - we didn't really fancy each other and were still hung up on ex's and not ready to move on - I think we both thought about the relationship becoming something but it didn't - that's why I look back on it as a strange time. In fact - she had a friend (lets say J) who used to visit her - she came to visit and partly cheer her up. I was attracted to J but initially she wasn't attracted to me.... after a few visits we started hit it off and I ended up spending a couple of days with her - that relationship definitely was starting to take off - she was lovely - I really liked her.

I went home at Easter in my first year and was really surprised when my ex rang me out of the blue - I hadn't heard from her since we finished A-levels - so it was probably from about July until April - about 9 months. She wanted to meet up and talk - we did - I didn't think she wanted to get back together - but it became clear we both still had feelings for each other and I was in something of a dilemma - I was right at the start of a new relationship - that's where it was - I was very happy about that - J was such a nice lass - it had taken a long time for me to feel like moving on - I buried myself in my work - I enjoyed the studying. I explained exactly where I was with this new and recent relationship with J to my ex and she said - well - you're going to to have to decide what to do. It's one of the saddest things I've ever had to do - I wrote a letter to J - passed on via our mutual friend explaining everything - she already knew about how I felt about my ex anyway (through our mutual friend) and how hard I had found it to move on - I really never expected we would get back together. I would love to know what happened to J - I've tried to find her again but without luck - not for any reason other than curiosity - I don't have any feelings for her - other than thanks for making me feel love again. So - I did get back together with my ex and, to misquote Charlotte Bronte - Reader, I married her... and we've been married for a good few years now.

So @Loveee do you think he will still have deep and genuine feelings for you? Could he already be too far into this new relationship?

I'm glad my ex didn't delay contacting me - it was hard enough having to leave a really beautiful new relationship - my feelings for my ex were the same - even if it had been another 6 months I think I would still have wanted to get back with my ex - I'll never know what I would have done in that situation - it was an upsetting thing to have to do - I don't regret it but I feel awful for J - my feelings for her were genuine.

You need to move on, you had your time with him, it didn’t work out, now he is seeing someone else