dh's sister called, her dh has left her and the kids because he no longer loves her

[SSSandy2]

I can't get my head around this.

If I could have named a marriage that seemed really solid and stable, I would have said hers. Those two have been together since secondary school (20 years), they have dc (7,9) and have bought a house together. His dp are in and out of their house all the time

They seem to get along great. I wouldn't say they were romantic types (either of them) but she is laid back and a bundle of laughs and he is the quiet sort who laughs at her jokes.

Am I thick? I don't understand leaving someone you get on with and your dc because you don't love your dp anymore. Surely it would need to be more than that?

Unfortunately, if a couple relationship has got to the point where sex has stopped and one partner is perfectly happy about it, that relationship is in deep trouble. Same as with any major change that makes one partner happy at the expense of the other. Now it isn't wrong to have a low libido by any means, but it is understandable that the partner of someone who refuses sex and also refuses to recognise that this is in any way a problem (why can't you be happy with companionship/the house/our children?) will want to leave or at least renegotiate the relationship (from couple to friendly co-parents, for instance) to allow the partner who has a libido to make use of it in some way.

I don't know Layla, time will tell I suppose. He's staying with his parents at the moment until he has a place for himself sorted near SIL and dc. I think if something was going on, we'd know via them before long or SIL would.

I really didn't ask any questions about the whole sex issue but from what she said it had lost importance to her. She was fully focussed on her mother role and life was about family life so when he made advances, she felt irritated by it IYSWIM and she was quite comfortable with there being no sex life.

Well we will have to see how things go. It is very difficult to figure out the workings of someone else's marriage. I have arranged a counsellor for her and she is thinking about whether to go ahead with it. Her ex won't but I think it could help her. But then she has to know what she needs/wants at the moment.

Welovetel, hope things work out well from here. Good luck with everything