bitterness after breakup

[LemonMeringuee]

Recently went through a breakup, because he had been acting very hot/cold with random silent treatments. It was amazing when he was being nice, but I ended up feeling constantly anxious, never knowing when he would suddenly change and ignore me.

Logically, I know that it is a good thing that it’s over because I don’t want a future with someone who is mean and refuses to communicate randomly. But I feel quite bitter and annoyed about how he treated me, I spent several weeks/months feeling confused when he pulled the rug, but he always denied it and made me doubt myself.

Now it’s over I can see a lot of the things he did were intentionally manipulative and mean. I was tossing and turning last night just feeling annoyed and upset that he was nasty for no reason. And annoyed at myself that I loved someone who clearly had little respect for me.

has anyone got any tips on how to leave this in the past and let go of the bitter feelings? Will they naturally just fade away as time goes on?

thanks in advance 💐

They do naturally fade in time. You just have to accept that this takes time. It's a shocking realisation that your brain is still trying to process.

I think what you're feeling is normal. I think there's lots of feelings involved including being angry that someone could treat you like that, being angry that you let them and actually grieving for the good times and what you hoped might have been i.e. happy ever after.

Don't beat yourself up about letting someone treat you badly. It takes a while to realise what they're really like. You're only stupid if you realise and then don't end the relationship!

I felt exactly the same as you last week after a 6 month relationship ended. I feel better this week despite the begging letters and emails. But I've been firm today and put a stop to the contact. It takes time, it's ok to feel sad but it will get easier. Start planning other things to do to keep you occupied. I cleaned so many drawers and cupboards out last week that Mrs Hinch would have been proud of me! But I'd suggest planning nicer things than decluttering!