Is my MIL a narcissist?

[warriorathena]

Genuine question. Have fallen out after putting up with her behaviour for years. I find her a nightmare. I'm trying to understand her so here's a list of stuff she's done which may be relevant:

• Falls out with pretty much everyone over usually minor issues. Includes new next door neighbour, me, my dad, her mum, her work colleagues. Is no contact with her brother and SIL and now me. She finds fault in everyone
• throws a full on tantrum with swearing and tears if she doesn't get her way
• FIL is her yes man, he agrees with everything she says (enables her) and defends her to the end. Laughs off her behaviour

-Storms off in a strop if she feels she's not being treated correctly- just this week stormed out of supermarket when checkout assistant needed to check items which were scanned incorrectly. She tipped the bag of food out in protest and left

• Complains in restaurants all the time over very small issues. Things are never good enough
• Expects everyone to agree with her opinion and is not afraid to express her opinion. Will push you to agree with her saying 'don't you agree?' making it hard to disagree.
• Has turned partner's family against me
• Expects special treatment e.g on holiday
• Very materialistic and wants best of the best e.g only drives expensive cars, holidays only in exotic 5 star resorts, business class flights, big house
• Very domineering, confident personality. Bigoted, racist. Bullying. Described as vile by partner's friends
• Road rage-I've witnessed her get out of car to confront a driver who dared beep her
• Never apologies or shows accountability
• Her own boss so she's never really had to work under anyone
• Talks mainly about work and how much money she's making
• Dislikes others having more money than her
• No empathy for those with mental health issues etc

Narc or just toxic?

I couldn’t say narc or just toxic, but clearly has something going on that she’s pissed off so many people. One to avoid!

Nah, she just your average 'Billy big bollocks' personality.
Used to getting what she wants and can't therefore comprehend that there may be times she doesn't get what she wants.
The world is full of them, they don't need diagnosing with a personality disorder.

That's not narcissistic it's just being a c*nt she sounds bloody awful op xx

I would say she has narcissistic traits. Sounds just like my mum. Best to go as low contact as possible.

I don’t think the label matters so much as how you decide to manage going forward.

Personally, I’d have nothing to do with her. Not worth the misery.

This ^^

Definitely sounds Cluster B. Sounds like she has no self-worth and her main source of supply is her husband. It would be interesting to see how her behaviour would change if he were not around.
Don't take it upon yourself to try to diagnose or understand why she behaves in this way. Protect your own mental health by having as little contact as possible @warriorathena

Thanks for everyone's replies. She definitely has traits. I've struggled with mental health issues badly the past year and she said how awful it's been for her and how she's had to walk on eggshells. No sympathy at all but maybe I'm asking too much.

@warriorathena forget about getting any sympathy or empathy from her.
She can't help but view everyone else's problems from her own perspective. She might sound like a martyr at times. It's disconcerting to be in the presence of someone like this. That's putting it mildly. When told about someone else being ill or having an accident, for example, they will respond with something like, 'of course, when I was ill, .. (I suffered badly/nearly died/ had to cope without modern medicine ...)'. Shocking, but a result of the personality disorder.
Do not engage with her.

You can’t change her behaviour, you can only decide what to do yourself.

If you haven’t already, I would have as little to do with her as possible. Let your DP do all communication/ arrangements/birthday presents/Christmas presents etc for his side of the family.

And crucially, don’t let her live rent-free in your head. Just don’t think about her.

My MIL used to really wind me up and she really got under my skin. I’ve managed to train myself out of it. As soon as I think of her, I direct my thoughts to something else. Every time, and eventually you’ll find you barely think of her at all.

I agree with @Cheminaufaules. My mother is exactly like your MIL - only my mother was a stay at home mother up until I was 21 and my father left her - that was 33 years ago and she's still pissed off about it...she expected my father to financially support her her whole life because she'd had his kids.

The one time in my adult life when I looked to her for emotional support, she completely ignored me, and started going on about herself, about a totally unrelated issue that had happened to her literally decades before, long before I was born. I still remember how shocked I was, and it's never got any better since.

Look at your 'falling out' as a blessing, an excuse to have nothing to do with her. Keep it that way.

She does occupy my thoughts too much. It's only recently I've been telling myself to stop giving her so much headspace for my own sanity, so you're right there!

@warriorathena what does your dp think of her?

I agree with others low or no contact is the
way forward.

Does your DH have your back OP? How has he reacted since your MIL fell out with you and started ignoring you? Do you feel you have his support?

No. She just sounds like a first class twat

He recognises she is difficult and he is supportive of me which I'm glad about

Check out this link : Here

Sounds like she ticks all the boxes