His ex wife slept in his bed (not with him)

[PrettyPony89]

My boyfriend and his ex wife are in the process of selling the family home which they both still live in.

She has a long term boyfriend.

He and I met 18 mths after they split up.

I have no concerns about them wanting to be together or anything like that.

When he and I went back to his this weekend to look after the children, it turns out she had helped herself to sleeping in his bed while he was at mine. She slept there with their daughter, and left her things there.

My boyfriend was clearly surprised but said things like, she is taking the piss, and, no point getting stressed about this, it will soon be over. I said very little except queried her boundaries, to which he said, she has none. I doubt very much that he has said anything to his ex about it.

However I feel quite strange about this. I sleep in this bed on the weekends my boyfriend has his kids. When I first stayed there, my boyfriend reassured me saying that his room had been his room alone for well over a year. I felt like some sort of mistress seeing her stuff there this past weekend (and I was nothing to do with their divorce- we didn't even know each other existed).

I am wondering if I am overreacting? I haven't said anything to my boyfriend but am wondering if I don't sleep there and wait til he has his own place. At one level this seems unfair as my boyfriend didn't know she was going to do this, but, honestly, I find it so icky.

Advice welcomed re the musical beds.

Thank you.

@MILLYmo0se My OHs ex’s bf stays over. Which I find very odd. But i will never ever stay over there! I’m fine with it but I do draw the line at that. I can’t understand why her bf is comfortable with it tbh

You’re overthinking this but you shouldn’t be staying there.

I think, it's her house and her bed (presumably the marital bed) and she is entitled to sleep there if it's more comfortable or convenient for her.

If it bothers you, I would just spend time with your boyfriend at your house and let him go back to the family house alone, rather than trying to dictate where this woman sleeps with her own children in her own house.

As you say, the house is being sold, so this won't be forever.

Yeah, I would find it incredibly weirs to go and stay there with him while she still lives there, even if she's not actually there. Its her home.

I still live in the family home following my separation from my ex and my partner of 3 years has always stayed over but my ex moved out when we split and I am buying him out. I also got a new bed and bedding after we separated - partly because it broke and partly because it felt weird to keep the same one for someone else to stay in. I wouldn't love the thought of sleeping in a bed with my partner that he had shared with his wife.

I think this has just brought home to you that you aren't really comfortable with his ongoing baggage and the fact they're still living together. I don't think that's unnatural. I hope he has a good time from for getting his own place because I don't think it's reasonable to expect a partner to be comfortable with that.

I agree with him that there's no point stressing about it;how's the selling process going?;is it on the market yet?