How to divorce well?

[clementyne]

Very sadly, it looks like this option is now on the cards. I have been so against this idea that I have never contemplated it before. The main reason is we have very young DC (2 and 3) and I really thought I was giving them a beautiful childhood in a united family. The thought of not seeing them everyday breaks my heart. But things have become intolerable with DP. I think that he actively dislikes me, and the sadness of living with somene who dislikes me has become overwhelming.

So my question is - if it comes to it, how do we divorce well, for the sake of the DC? How do we keep a strong co-parent relationship, and provide safety and security for them now that they are tiny, and in the future? I have been reading about the technique where you keep kids in one house, and parents switch out. Anyone tried this? Chirstmases together or apart? Joint bank accounts for kid relared stuff? It's just so hard!

I will try other things first, but have to start thinking about it.

Keep communicating that's the key. Listening as well as doing the talking. Being able to do joint events even when new partners are on the scene really helps too (we have had parties with myself dp his ex and her dp, my ex pops around occasionally

Agree as two people that the children come first and any decisions will be made in their best interests.
Be civil with your ex partner and communicate.
We have a joint bank account that maintenance was paid into for nursery. But it now it is used if I buy clothes and for school trips. But I only take out 50% of the cost.
I have our DD early Christmas morning and her Dad has her in the afternoon. We alternate NYE.
We have spent Christmases and foreign holidays together since the split, but the holidays were mainly due to covid.
It wont all be plain sailing, be prepared for a bumpy ride, but it will calm down eventually.

It is possible. Been separated for 3.5 years now from exH of 20 years. I don’t know what will happen this year but up until now we have spent a few hours opening gifts with the dc on Christmas Day. This year I’d really like my boyfriend to be around over Christmas and ex will probably want his girlfriend around more. Ex still has a key to the house and pops in to see and cook for the kids when I’m at work or away.

People call us unconventional but you have to do things your way, don’t do what you think is the norm or expected by everyone else or society.

Just always try and out your dc first, no matter what is going on with your divorce.I separated almost 5 years ago and although the circumstances weren’t amicable (affair on his side), we set a routine for the dc straight away that works for us all and we agreed that I will always wake up with them on Xmas morning (or as long as they want to) and then my ex has them Xmas evening and Boxing Day. We alternate NYE.

we don’t do holidays together as I thought this would be too confusing for them and we also both have new partners. We do go to all child related ‘events’ together though (parents evenings, performances, etc).the most important thing for me is that they see us communicating and getting along and I think that is so important. We may not be together anymore but we are a united force as their parents.

Thank you everyone, this is helpful!