Is it possible to stay married if you despise your inlaws?

[maggietookmymilk]

I guess that's it really. I've been married 9 years and before that we have been together for 4.
Despite my attempts at trying to build a relationship with in-laws, I am always treated as an outsider. Family gatherings are awkward and tense. Nothing is light and easy going.
It's now a situation where I can not trust them and do not like them at all.
I love my husband, but he never defends me or stands up to their interference in the past.
Is it possible to stay married in this sort of situation?
Has anyone managed a marriage where you have as the wife don't need to interact with in-laws? I desperately try to throw out olive branches, but always come away rejected. I feel for my own mental health I need to just not see partners family. I obviously have no problem with him seeing and spending time with them, but I myself just don't want to spend time with them. Is there a way this can work?

If his family treat you poorly and he never stands up for you, your marriage is doomed. Don't have children, it will only get worse.

Just stop going to his family events. That’s what I’d do.

Unsustainable - part of the reason I'm divorced

Someone who doesn't have your back is not someone to stay married to.
Please don't have kids with him - it will get much worse.

@caringcarer they seriously thought you’d drop your baby off to them, when they treated you appallingly? Wow, some people have no self awareness!

When I stopped trying to be a good DIL, stopped trying to like them, stopped trying to get them to like me, stopped the olive branches, just emotionally disengaged from them, my mental will-being around them improved. And our overall relationship gradually improved.

DH almost always had my back, but he often did not see or understand the issues. From the very beginning, though, he was firm with them that he would not bring our dc to see them without me: we came as a package. End of. Much as I didn't want to see them, dh was right. His parents didn't want me in the picture and were pushing him to choose between us. He made it quite clear to them that we were a unit. But it nearly broke him. The only time I've seen dh cry.

But, as I said, once I stopped caring what they thought, over the years our relationship improved, especially between me and MIL. FIL merely tolerates me. But I don't care.

So 26y and several dc on, can a marriage survive toxic ILs. Yes, I think so. 3 things have helped: me not caring, dh having my back, and 250miles between ILs and us.

(I have always been a good DIL,
though, even when I stopped trying. They haven't a clue.)

That is not support Op

that is meaningless words that anyone can say.

This is worth a try. Don’t go to any events at all. Find some good excuses and use them in rotation

have to work
have a migraine
caring for my disabled gran
visting my sick friend in hospital

Although you may end up despising husband for being spineless and two faced. And defo don’t have kids with him.

Sounds like my ex.

We muddled through for 10 years then his family made him divorce me.

It's such a sweet relief!

Oh, and sadly we had kids.

Now they have to suffer it and they HATE it.